Posts Tagged ‘newlywed’
This one comes to me through a gentleman that I follow on Twitter. Happily Ever After is actually a documentary and I decided that I would include it with my movie reviews.
I watched the DVD last night and was proud of the examples and images presented throughout this documentary. It is a candid look at the stereotypes that have existed surrounding black marriage and “NEW and FRESH” realistic examples of what BLACK MARRIAGE can be.
Thank you for creating a powerful tool that gives people a visual of positive black marriages which has only existed somewhat in a fictional perspective. Every couple on the documentary is a positive example, not just the Obamas.
This documentary addresses some key issues and concerns about black marriages. As a money and marriage advocate and because money is one of the top reasons for divorce, I would recommend finances being discussed throughout the lifetime of the marriage.
You must get this DVD – something in it for all – engaged, newlywed or married for quite some time. Purchase it below:
I did not know about this movie until I was doing some research and very glad that I found out about this movie. Favorite actors and actresses Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson and Michael Douglas are the main characters for this movie. I will be brief in my summary.
Kate Hudson whose character is Molly prepares to marry Carl who is played by Matt Dillon. Carl works for Molly’s father, Bob who is Michael Douglas. Carl’s best friends Neil and Dupree, played by Owen Wilson have been with him through everything in his life. Of course they are in his wedding and Dupree is his Best Man. Upon returning from the honeymoon, newlywed life begins with some interesting issues that can impact a marriage such as the place of friendship, parenting, money and employment. This is a must see movie for engaged couples and newlyweds.
1) Accept yourself for who you are and do not let the parents of the spouse make you feel inferior. Those feelings affect your job, relationships and your marriage.
2) Maintain your friendships within your marriage but not at the expense of your marriage. There is no rule that says once you are married you have to get rid of your friends. CAUTION: Be careful if you are a husband and has a single female friend or vice versa if you are the wife and have a single male friend. Do not open that can of worms.
3) Know what your household income is and work your mutual financial plan. Establish mutual financial goals even while planning your wedding. Anyone outside of your household (this includes parents, grandparents) does not need to know what your income and expenses are unless you are seeking to establish a financial plan utilizing a financial advisor or planner.
4) Have candid talks with your soon to be spouse regarding finances, especially if they grew up in an affluent environment. The true financial picture of your marriage should be discussed before you walk down the aisle so they do not come into the marriage with unrealistic expectations based on their upbringing.
Newlyweds must be comfortable in their marriage and relationship because when other factors present such as relationships with parents and best friends arise that may cause conflict, the newlyweds must stick together despite what parents and best friends think. Even though best friends have generally been around longer than the spouse, the spouse comes first. A true best friend will not place you in the position of choosing between them and your spouse.
WORD OF CAUTION: If one friend is saying this is not the person to marry, consider the source. BUT if EVERYONE is saying you should not marry this person, then you need to WAKE UP and be truthful. Do not marry a person that is not good for you just to get out of a) your parents’ home; b) because you want to be married and do not truly love this person or c) for the money.
1) Pay attention to how the bride is handling money while you are engaged and planning for the wedding. Listen to what they are saying and whether or not they are willing to compromise on wedding purchases and reduce costs. For example, if the bride comes from an affluent family and knows that her parents are paying for everything and is not willing to compromise based on the groom wanting to reduce or alleviate something, this could be a glimpse into what they will do once you are married.
2) Money cannot buy you love. Do not let your parents money and their thoughts about money and a mate dictate who you should marry.
3) Be true to yourself about who you really are and who you love. Do not get into the habit of pleasing people or you will end up unhappy.
Another movie that I cannot recall why I had not seen this one before especially since I am such a huge fan of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. Really after Pretty Woman you think I would have been one of the first ones to see this but I had not seen this until recently. Almost embarrased to admit such. But I digress, let’s see if I can summarize it without giving too much away.
A journalist (played by Richard Gere) who is on deadline finds out about this “Runaway Bride” and decides to write about her without getting all of the facts. Okay I know from my brother having been a journalist, that is Journalism 101 – always check your facts before you run a story. The Runaway Bride (played by Julia Roberts) turns around and writes the newspaper and gets him fired. Journalist decides to do his fact checking a little late, after the fact by going to the town where the Runaway Bride is in order to clear his name. He befriends her family, friends and fiance. While the journalist is talking with the Runaway Bride’s father, he shares that he has all of her escapes via videotape and gives them to the journalist. The father also comments on how he has paid for all of these weddings. Runaway Bride says she is paying for number four. Journalist believes she will not make it down the aisle to number four. The more he finds out about her…. Next question is does she make it down the aisle and marry number four or what does she do? You will have to watch the movie if you haven’t already to find out what happens.
1) Considering her father paid for three weddings, I do not expect anyone to believe their parents will pay for a second wedding if the first one does not last. The expense of three weddings sure enough could put parents in debt.
2) This bride has major premarital concerns and if the day of the wedding arrives and you continue to have questions, you should either delay the wedding or call it off. It does not matter what people will think – be true to yourself.
3) Realize that money is being spent for a wedding. Whether you are paying for the wedding or your parents are paying, money is being spent. Do not take it for granted that some of these expenses once you have spent the money there is not an opportunity to get the money back. If you have not begun to talk about finances, now is just as good as any time. Start talking about money for your marriage while you are talking about compromising on financial expenses for the wedding.
1) The bride continues to panic as she is at the altar or approaching the altar. The father makes a joke about it but you can tell he is not necessarily happy about this situation. The bride says she is going to pay this time. It’s as if she almost has some guilt about these different attempts.
2) When the bride wants to purchase an expensive wedding gown, the lady at the dress shop does not want to sell it to her because she knows her past history with weddings and not making it down the aisle. She recommends she purchase something less expensive. The journalist steps in and says he will buy the dress. When choosing a dress, buy within your budget.
1) Wherever you are in your relationship, six months to a year or even longer, start talking about money now. Three out of four married couples argue about money. It is not a written rule that you must become a part of that statistic. Talk about money in order to prevent financial stress in your marriage.
2) Be certain that the person you are about to marry is the person you love regardless of income, appearance or employment status. Let’s be honest, some of the cutest people or most handsome treat people the worse. People do not stay the same age, size and could change jobs several times throughout marriage.
3) Do not lose your identity in becoming a wife. All to often women lose themselves when they become married, especially if their husband has some type of position. They get lost in being Mrs. XXX and then when he loses that position and/or becomes depressed or becomes upset then they too go through that same behavior instead of being strong and talking him through what happened and encouraging him to move forward. Instead the entire household is now depressed and cannot seem to move out of the slump they are in. **Part of what I saw was the problem with Maggie is she felt she could not be herself which incidentally cost her family in the long run.
Listen – BRIDES, GROOMS, PARENTS - what will it take for people to realize that money is such an important topic that needs to be addressed before walking down the aisle. Obviously this man did not know his bride enough to know that she would BECOME a DIFFERENT person because of money.
If you are in the process of getting married and you have not talked about money - CAUTION – what could possibly happen if you reveal after the wedding that you have DEBT? Do not set yourself nor your future spouse up like that. It is not fair to either one of you. Do not rush yourself. If having this discussion means you do not end up getting married then you are probably better off. Money discussions are not to be taken lightly nor ignored.
You must read this story – this husband says, he assumes her motive was money. Judge grants bail for Boynton Beach wannabe…
Before you think so little about discussing money – bride or groom – think enough of yourself to ask the question. Parents – LOVE your son or daughter more than enough to give them Financial skills for marriage. Go to www.DebtAtTheAltar.com and get Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar.
I love it when I find stories like this that reaffirm what I have been saying. Naturally when I found this one, I had to share this. This article talks about the 5 Costly Money Mistakes Newlyweds Make
One of the five mistakes is a lack of communication. That does not surprise me because we both know that money is still a “Taboo” subject when getting married. Even in 2009 with everything that is going on with the economy, sometimes money is not being discussed in the manner it should be.
I must admit when I read about this couple who are newly married but lived together for seven years, purchased a home after they got married stated that they realized financial decisions can be some of the toughest.
Makes me wonder what were they doing when they lived together! Were they keeping things separate and not even talking about joint finances for seven years or what do we do if this… since we are under one roof. Now, I am not advocating living together prior to marriage -what I am pulling from this article is it appears couples have not thought about married life.
A second one is a failure to plan. To me this goes without saying because when you are unprepared, financial challenges can tear down a relationship really fast, cause husbands and wives to point the finger at each other and lead to all sorts of stress in the marriage. This can happen whether you are a newlywed or married for a longer period of time.
A third one is handing over control. When it comes to managing finances for the marriage, I am a huge believer in including the person that is not the money manager. They need to be aware of all the details – how the bills are paid, when, the account numbers, the automatic deductions and more. Do not set your spouse up for financial disarray by not including them in the financial picture.
What do you think are the costly money mistakes?
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This movie was a little difficult for me to watch for several reasons. My biggest problem is the dog is unruly and undisciplined. This couple got Marley shortly after they were married and still newlyweds. Marley was there as they pursued their different career aspirations, had children and even relocated.
John shared how he argued with his father about money in passing. It was in a brief clip of where he was sharing he did this here and there, took Marley here and there and Jen did this or that. That is the extent of what was said about money. The movie shows different times when they were frustrated and overwhelmed by life. Yet they remain committed to their marriage. John’s single friend, Sebastian continues to use Marley in the beginning to meet women. Later on he does the same thing with John’s kids.
Clearly there were some money issues or he would not have been arguing with his father about money. However, since it was not brought out in the movie, we will not know the depth of these money issues unless it was detailed in the book. Incidentally, I do not see myself running right out to get this book.
Money Tip #1: Household finances should remain between you and your spouse. You two are the only ones paying the bills.
Money Tip #2: Family members may seek to give you financial advice without your asking. If you are not comfortable having these conversations then steer clear.
Money Tip #3: When it comes to career aspirations make sure you are doing what makes you happy. As one gets older it is not about the money but what makes you happy and impacts lives.
1) Do not fight with your parents about money. It is important that you and your spouse are discussing your finances.
2) You and your spouse should establish a realistic household budget so that when you are planning your career aspirations you know exactly the amount of income you need to contribute.
Learn early what your response will be when family members ask about your finances. This will serve you well throughout your life and marriage.
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