Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘premarital finances’

The topic of savers and spenders marrying continue to be a hot topic. I know firsthand that this is true even of my own marriage. I read an article a couple of days ago that was titled Why Savers and Spenders Marry . The author shares how her husband started a new job teaching in the fall and suggested he might need some new work clothes. She braced herself for a fight. To her surprise – she calls him Mr. Frugal, he agreed with her.

I know when I met my husband, he was a shopper to his heart. Believe me when I say shopper, I mean it seriously. One of the first things he asked me was to write down all of my sizes – clothes, shoes and jewelry. I must say this floored me because that had not ever happened. Mind you I did what he asked. Once we got married, he would shop for me. This was great because I HATE shopping. I love to shop for books (I am an avid reader) but not clothes. I don’t do Christmas shopping like most. I have to make my list of what I want, where it is at. Go in, purchase it and come out.

Okay, back to the post – so when we got married we agreed on a plan to clean up our debt. Within our plan we also decided to balance his spending and he agreed. So we established healthy boundaries in money management. So the shopper became conservative and saving.  I believe that in every saver and spender their is a part of the other perspective in each. It just depends on what you would purchase. Because I turn into a shopper when it comes to books, however, for anything else I am a saver.

Husbands and wives, brides and grooms  – open communciation and being honest about who you are is essential. If you are a shopper, you are a shopper. If you are a saver, you are a saver. Do not let that role cause you to live an unhappy marriage and life. Work together for common goals in the financial aspect of your marriage.

When my husband and I became engaged, we knew that we were destined to be together. Throughout our dating we had been talking about our past, previous people we dated, my husband’s previous marriages and what we were looking for in a partner. The discussion came up about whether or not, we needed to go to premarital counseling.

Brides and Grooms, I ask you today – what are your goals for premarital counseling? Look at the options below and you decide:

(1) To ensure you and your future spouse have the necessary skills to make your marriage work for a lifetime?

(2) Is it because everyone says you have to yet your heart is not in it?

(3) It is required by the church you attend to be married there?

What areas do you expect to discuss in premarital counseling? Compatibility, Communication, Goals or even finances? If you discuss those issues, how much time do you expect to spend talking about each?

Premarital counseling can be crucial to any relationship. I know that my husband and I did not attend premarital counseling because we were talking about everything even prior to our engagement. We had shared the positives and negatives about relationships we had, financial mistakes we made and what we looked for in a mate. We did not see a benefit to holding anything back.

One of the things I remember saying to him, was do not let anyone have information about you that I do not know about.  No one should walk up to me and tell me something about my husband trying to embarrass me or say I know something you don’t know. I don’t believe in MESS or DRAMA. He did not either.

Prior to marriage is a great time to talk about your finances, dreams and goals that you have. The more you talk you will discover this is someone ou can see yourself with for life or you cannot. Begin talking today.

This morning has led to many posts regarding personal finances. I was on the phone contacting one of my vendors. They were asking me about Money Talk Matters and what I do. I shared with them that I teach couples how to communicate about money throughout the lifetime of the marriage. The customer service rep on the other end said I wish you had talked to my daughter.

I asked her how long the daughter had been married. She said eleven years and is going through a divorce. Nasty divorce. She stated that her daughter would not listen to her. Clearly this lady and I were on the phone for some time. She went on to share that this daughter was a shopper. From her saying that, I ascertained that it was partially a factor in this divorce. I shared with her even through divorce, her daughter could still contact me if she wanted to discuss finances.

There are times when our adult children (no matter how old they get) will have to get the message from someone else. If your son or daughter is preparing to walk down the aisle and you are not able to share the message about money and its importance in marriage you can have some options:

1) Send them to this blog and let them read this particular post
2) Give them the web address www.DebtAtTheAltar.com
3) Remind them of all the stories in the news about couples that would be divorcing but cannot because of financial issues
4) Give them the gift of financial education by giving Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program

Once you have decided what you are willing to do, you can be assured that you did broach the subject of finances in a manner that was not threatening but out of concern. Hopefully, your son or daughter will appreciate what you are doing.

I prefer that you not be like this mother, sighing because the daughter is going to have a rough time even in divorce. Talk about finances before and during marriage can help prevent financial stress. Take the time to equip your loved ones with premarital financial answers.