Posts Tagged ‘premarital financial counseling’
This came early and quite fast. I knew that I would spend my day playing catch up because I took a lot of time with the family over the last few days which WERE GREAT! Everyone was sleeping in pretty late and I got up with my to do list in mind – laundry, blogging, interview questions and much more. The only known items that I would be spending money on today that I knew of was bottled water and two books of stamps. No more than $30.00 right. Total: $25.58.
The kids were awake yet still laying in their bed. They were thrilled to discover that hubby didn’t have to go to work. I thought it was quite funny last night when our daughter asked me if she needed to set the clock. I told her don’t worry about it, I’ll just get you up in the morning. She said okay and went on up.
This morning as I begin feverishly working on my list, I decided to stop and go to the grocery store before it got crowded. I have witnessed the holiday rush and REFUSED to get caught in those lines. I went in and got my 2 cases of water.. total $7.98 – yea! Then I left.
I stopped at the other store to get my 2 books of stamps. $17.60 – purchased and came right out. Have you ever been able to go in a store and get exactly what you purposed to get and not get swayed by any of the sales?
I came home and our money discussion this morning was about paying more than the minimum amount due for the tires we had put on my car about two months ago. I was in full agreement. Immediately following the next money discussion on tap was regarding the unexpected dental bill that occurred approximately a month after the car. We talked about how I’d already been paying more than the minimum on this one. We decided that as long as we were in position, to pay off the account that has the automobile tires in August. Then turn around and begin doing double payments for the dental bill.
Today you are in for a treat, because I’m sharing about three different financial conversations. Then we turned to my latest book, Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ. What are some of the different marketing strategies that I’ve employed and what are targets he think I should be going after. My husband said to me churches should be utilizing this book. Then we discussed our experiences of churches being territorial even if they don’t provide solutions to issues that their members are dealing with. I told him, I don’t want their members – it is my goal that they are affiliated with resources that they can refer their members to. Then I shared with him how I’ve heard that same battle from different authors that deal with relationships and a financial colleague.
We then talked about the mailer I did for premarital financial counseling clients about three weeks ago, my investment, the result and what would be my next step. Knowing the seriousness of my topic, I shared that I would reach out to this group again with a different type of mailer and then see what happens from that. I set my own business goals for clients and books sales for the month of July 2011. I know that I’ve been doing the work and I will begin seeing the fruits of my labor.
Money and Marriage Lessons for today:
1) Don’t fall into the pressure of unexpected sales when you go shopping. Stick to the original plan and you will come out ahead.
2) When unexpected expenses arise, decide together how you are going to handle it. Think big picture, develop a PLAN and work it together.
3) When you have two unexpected expenses that occur close in time, take a deep breath and move forward. You can do it.
4) If you are a business owner, keep your spouse informed on what is happening with your business. Don’t leave out your investments and the result. Your spouse may very well provide you with a marketing strategy that you never thought of AND it could be the “winning move”.
Money and Marriage Encouragement for the Day: My spouse provides business recommendations for the benefit of our marriage.
Congratulations to all the engaged couples that are dealing with money matters during the engagement! Does that sound strange? It should not because better now than later to be discussing money matters. Talking about who is going to manage the money, what are the existing debts being brought into the marriage and much more can save you from a lot of grief, headaches, nights where you go to bed upset with each other because of financial stress – believe me it is not worth it.
When you stand across the altar from the one you love, those first few months to couple of years should be spent nurturing the relationship, having fun as you learn more about each other as a husband and wife, the quirks, the habits and so much more. Coming into a marriage with debt that has not been discussed is setting the marriage up for division and a lack of trust in the marriage. Once trust is gone in the relationship, it is hard to get it back.
If you are engaged and wonder what you should be talking about, the following is a beginning point:
1) What student loans are being brought to the marriage?
2) What credit card debt is being brought to the marriage?
3) What happends when a financial emergency arises? What do each of you think would be the best way to get a financial unexpected emergency handled?
4) Who is going to be better at managing money?
By all means are these the end all of all the questions. This is a starting point. The idea is not to overwhelm and frustrate each other to a point of not wanting to discuss finances. You should talk about finances with the idea of resolving challenges and having a game plan. Financial discussions can lead to greater intimacy in a marriage.
When there are no financial problems, the fun can truly begin pampering each other just because you love one another. It does not have to be a special day – each day you spend with each other is a GREAT day.
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Brides – if your fiance does not make any money, how are you going to handle that? In everything you do, you must have a plan whether it be education, career, purchasing a car, buying a house and even getting married. Each of these areas involve money and it is not wise to make decisions with your eyes closed.
Financial decisions have long lasting effects if made carelessly. So if you are engaged at this point and your fiance does not make any money, let me provide some “food for thought”. Hold on to your seat because that does not mean I am going to say break off the engagement. Continue reading below.
Questions to ask yourself if your fiance does not make any money. Make sure you can answer these questions based on your own observations of him, by talking with him and what you know is true:
1) Is your fiance a hardworker, but poor at managing money?
2) Does he feel that he should not have to work, but think things should just be given to him?
3) Does he have bills?
4) When you and your fiance go out, who pays for dinner, movies or whatever the activity is?
5) If your fiance does not work, what was his last job and why did he quit?
6) Does he want to start his own business?
7) How are the wedding expenses being handled?
8) After the wedding, where do you and your fiance plan to live?
9) Does your fiance have dreams and goals for himself?
10) What does your fiance’s credit report look like?
11) Was he married before, if so was money one of the reasons the marriage ended?
Brides, when you take a trip and you plan on driving you have a map and you map out your course. If you are like me, you map it out in complete detail even to where your gas stops will occur. When you are planning on getting married to someone that you are going to share your life with, it should not be any different. Take the time and get these questions answered. Do not ignore the fact that his not making any money is bothering you.
PLEASE PLEASE pay attention to the little red flag that is raised. It should bother you and that means it is worth discussing and not being swept under the rug. If it is necessary – get Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program which teaches couples how to communicate about money in a non-threatening manner.
When my husband and I became engaged, we knew that we were destined to be together. Throughout our dating we had been talking about our past, previous people we dated, my husband’s previous marriages and what we were looking for in a partner. The discussion came up about whether or not, we needed to go to premarital counseling.
Brides and Grooms, I ask you today – what are your goals for premarital counseling? Look at the options below and you decide:
(1) To ensure you and your future spouse have the necessary skills to make your marriage work for a lifetime?
(2) Is it because everyone says you have to yet your heart is not in it?
(3) It is required by the church you attend to be married there?
What areas do you expect to discuss in premarital counseling? Compatibility, Communication, Goals or even finances? If you discuss those issues, how much time do you expect to spend talking about each?
Premarital counseling can be crucial to any relationship. I know that my husband and I did not attend premarital counseling because we were talking about everything even prior to our engagement. We had shared the positives and negatives about relationships we had, financial mistakes we made and what we looked for in a mate. We did not see a benefit to holding anything back.
One of the things I remember saying to him, was do not let anyone have information about you that I do not know about. No one should walk up to me and tell me something about my husband trying to embarrass me or say I know something you don’t know. I don’t believe in MESS or DRAMA. He did not either.
Prior to marriage is a great time to talk about your finances, dreams and goals that you have. The more you talk you will discover this is someone ou can see yourself with for life or you cannot. Begin talking today.