Money Talk Matters – Bride and Groom Money Talk©

Ladies – let me say to you do not be in such a hurry to get married that you ignore the red flags while you are dating. I can understand this friend and that friend have gotten married and maybe you are beginning to feel as if you are the last one to get married. That does not constitute in any way shape or form that you should lower your standards, accept mediocre in order to get married so you can say that you are married too.

What are the red flags you seeing?

(1) Disrespect?
(2) Not paying his bills?
(3) Non-existent work ethic
(4) Unacceptable language

If you are seeing any of these and it makes you uncomfortable, do not disregard them. There is a reason it is a red flag and pay attention. You deserve the best. Sure, nobody is perfect. However, you do have a choice and do not have to be in a hurry to get married just because everyone else. It does not matter how young or old you are it is important to take your time. How many stories have you heard from girlfriends or older relatives saying, they wish they had waited to get married?

I cannot stress the importance of taking your time. When you make decisions in the heat of the moment, usually they turn out to have long lasting consequences that you might not like. So I encourage you today to pay attention to the red flags because it will serve you will in many relationships, not just marriage.

I love him but he has debt and that stays on my mind. If you are a bride-to-be and this is you, congratulations on recognizing a red flag. This red flag is DEBT and it bothers you that he has it. Let me ask you this question and how you answer it will be important.

Question: How did you find out about the debt?

If your answer is (1) He told me – this is good because it means that he is being honest with you about financial mistakes he has made in the past. He wants to alleviate the debt and could see how you are going to respond to the fact he said he has debt. Are you going to leave him because he has debt or are you willing to say, I understand mistakes happen and let’s develop a plan to remove the debt.

If your answer is (2) He did not tell you and you found out on your own either by going through some of his things or a family member told you, then you have to ask yourself what else is he hiding from you and why? Caution: If you were going through his things, you could have a trust issue later if he discovers this is how you found out. Did he not tell you about the debt because he truly feels bad and is afraid that you would leave him. Or did he not tell you purposely because he is thinking if I can just get her to the aisle, then once we are married I can tell her about the debt.

Or if your answer is (3) He told me he has debt and wants to break it off. Then you need to discuss in detail why he wants to break it off. You have to ask yourself what is it about the debt that bothers you? Is it because you do not have debt or is it because both of you have debt? Now is the time to put everything on the table.

Since you are aware he has debt, what does your picture look like? What is it that you would like to see for the future and both of you be honest with each other. Honesty is the best policy. Secrets lead to division, destruction and sometimes divorce. Do not let a secret establish your life’s path in your relationships.

Have you not seen any of the court tv shows such as Judge Hatchett, Judge Joe Brown or even Judge Mathis – this statement is like an episode that I have even seen over and over.

Boy dates girl, they believe they are in love. He loans her money after dating for about six weeks. She begins paying him back after the loan. She pays a minimal amount two times and then she breaks up with him. They do not have anything in writing and before you know it, they end up on Judge Mathis or Judge Joe Brown.

Listen, when you are in the dating stage this is also the perfect time to watch how someone manages their money. If you are dating someone and they ask you for a loan, do not feel obligated to loan them the money. It is not your responsibility.

Watch the signs:

(1) Being asked to loan money without anything in writing.

(2) Asking you for a loan in the first place.

(3) Mismanaging funds. Spending money loaned on extras versus paying off bills.

(4) Asking you to pay a bill for them while you are in the dating stage.

(5) Asking you to help a relative financially.

When you are only dating, watch what is happening with their money. How they spend, if they are working and more. This is not to be taken lightly. So take heed and choose your relationships carefully.

When my husband and I became engaged, we knew that we were destined to be together. Throughout our dating we had been talking about our past, previous people we dated, my husband’s previous marriages and what we were looking for in a partner. The discussion came up about whether or not, we needed to go to premarital counseling.

Brides and Grooms, I ask you today – what are your goals for premarital counseling? Look at the options below and you decide:

(1) To ensure you and your future spouse have the necessary skills to make your marriage work for a lifetime?

(2) Is it because everyone says you have to yet your heart is not in it?

(3) It is required by the church you attend to be married there?

What areas do you expect to discuss in premarital counseling? Compatibility, Communication, Goals or even finances? If you discuss those issues, how much time do you expect to spend talking about each?

Premarital counseling can be crucial to any relationship. I know that my husband and I did not attend premarital counseling because we were talking about everything even prior to our engagement. We had shared the positives and negatives about relationships we had, financial mistakes we made and what we looked for in a mate. We did not see a benefit to holding anything back.

One of the things I remember saying to him, was do not let anyone have information about you that I do not know about.  No one should walk up to me and tell me something about my husband trying to embarrass me or say I know something you don’t know. I don’t believe in MESS or DRAMA. He did not either.

Prior to marriage is a great time to talk about your finances, dreams and goals that you have. The more you talk you will discover this is someone ou can see yourself with for life or you cannot. Begin talking today.