Posts Tagged ‘relatives’
Let me say right off I know this one is going to be loaded. When the question came in to my email, I thought to myself there are other wives this is happening to or vice versa. So let’s take it one step at a time.
Obviously the wife who wrote in anonymously found out after the fact. First question, how did she find out? Did she discover that money was missing from their joint accout? Or did he say, by the way honey a couple of weeks ago I loaned this friend some money?
I guarantee you the wife that wrote that sent that question in, is more than likely mad because he did it and she did not know about, may not even like the friend the money was loaned to and probably feels she cannot trust her man with their money because he will give it away to whomever he wants without talking with her about it as if she does not have a say so.
Money is a serious subject that cannot be avoided between a husband and wife. Husband and wives do you have an understanding about loaning money to friends, relatives or colleagues? If you do not, this is something that should be discussed beforehand. It will prevent the type of email I received.
When people lose trust in relationships, it is hard to get it back. It takes a lot of work. Then the question becomes did he really loan the money or give the money. Either way it is a serious discussion that must be had in order to prevent what the couple is dealing with right now in their relationship.
This is not saying you should not loan money, but husbands and wives should know what they agree on when it comes to loaning money, to whom and agreeing even on an amount that will not affect their household finances. Be careful, because you do not want to become a personal banker at the risk of your own marriage. It’s not worth the risk.
I must admit when this movie came out, I must have missed it in the theaters. Yet, about four months ago when I was watching TV, the title made me stop and watch. Love and Other Four Letter Words – let me be honest I know some four letter words that people dislike, so I thought to myself go ahead and watch it. Below is my brief summary.
TV Personality, Stormie wants to grant her dying grandmother’s wish that she be married. So she in turn talks with her assistant and they pay this gentleman to pretend that he is going to marry her. Stormie goes along with it as long as she can and she even talks with her childhood pal who is a minister. Stormie’s Nana calls and says she is coming out there. You must watch this movie to find out what happens in the end.
Money Implications:Being a strong, independent successful woman does not mean that you cannot enjoy life as well. The character Stormie in this movie was willing to pay someone and pretend to make someone else happy in her family but not be true to herself. Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly.
Money Tip #1: Do not plot with friends in order to marry someone because of their money. Be true to yourself and who you love.
Money Tip #2: Being independent, career oriented does not mean that you cannot have a relationship if that is what you desire. As a matter of fact, kudos to you for knowing who you are and bringing assets to the marriage table.
This person was all about pleasing her dying “Nana” no doubt, someone she would do anything for. Parents nor relatives wishes for us cannot dictate how we live. Sometimes parents are attempting to live through their young children (adults) and it causes more problems.
(1) Being an independent person has given you the opportunity learn how to manage money on your own. Take those lessons into your marriage and establish mutual financial goals.
(2) Once you are married, learn how to relax somewhat and know that you do not have to carry the load all by ourself. You know have a spouse that you can depend on.
(3) Love can lasts for a lifetime. Make decisions based on facts not emotions.
This is yet another movie that any time it comes on, I have to stop and watch it all the way through. Sandra Bullock is one of my favorites and such a diverse actress she is. I’m sure you’ve heard the story before – young woman from a small town is married to a professional man. They have a child together. She is brought on television thinking she is going to get a makeover by a friend only to find out that her husband has been having an affair with this best friend. She leaves him and has to move back home with her mother.
She has to start over and has much to deal with being a single mother, a not so good relationship with her mother, old flame and more. You must watch this movie.
She was not aware her husband was having an affair and once she became aware she was not financially sound to stand on her own. She had to move back home to her parents home which was not an easy thing to do based on her estranged relationship with her mother.
Money Tip #1 – This is for women – yes you are a wife and you are a woman. Meaning you should know how to manage money even if you have a husband as well as what is happening with the household finances.
Money Tip #2 – If you are put in the position of having to divorce your husband and return to a familiar place with relatives, you do not need to explain your situation to those relatives. If you move back in with your parents, you can choose what you share with them when it comes to your finances.
Money Tip #3 – You are an adult now and do not allow old high school friends or college friends that were competitive with you talk down to you based on what they are assuming is happening in your life. Hold your head up high and take care of your business – finances and all.
It is clear in this movie that Sandra Bullock’s daughter wanted to be with the father and blames the mother for the breakup. As a parent it is important that you share information that the child(ren) need to know. It is not necessary to “bad mouth” the other parent. The child(ren) will make their own judgment based on what they see and hear. If your ex or soon-to-be ex is not paying child support nor spending time with the child(ren), you make memories with your child(ren) and let them know how much they are loved. Divorce and separation affects children and households in many ways. Get your finances in order and know what it takes to make your situation work.
(1) Set the example for your child(ren) that you would want them to be as a young married couple. Teach them about money and managing money early on.
(2) Do no let your personal information become the “town” news of the day. What happens in your marriage and finances is not anyone’s business.
(3) We all love our parents, but do not let your parents opinions cause you to drift into depression which leads to inactivity. It is a costly position to be in.
(4) Do not let the emotional pain of your past cause you to make financial mistakes in your present thereby affecting your future.
(5) Protect the child(ren) from being devastated by a lack of the other parent’s involvement in their lives. This can have long term effects even when they are young adults, husbands and wives. Make lasting memories and it does not have to cost a fortune.
Your daughter is engaged and the wedding plans are in full force. For some of you the wedding is happening relatively soon and you continue to charge this and pay cash for that so your daughter can have the wedding of her dreams. Regardless of what the economy is doing, wedding are happening throughout the United States and worldwide.
You want this to be a day she remembers for the rest of her life. Are you prepared to protect your wedding investment or throw your money down the drain? Think about this, we have all heard money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Do you realize that the BIGGEST marital expense of them all is divorce?
Now that I have your attention parents, do something that is not the norm when it comes to paying for weddings. I’m talking about protecting your wedding investment and include life skills for your daughter’s marriage. When young women are getting married, their main focus is on their wedding day because they have dreamed about it for years, yet they do not think about what happens after the honeymoon.
I have talked with different parents over the last few months in various settings and they ask me what do I do? When I share with them that I am a money and marriage advocate, I teach couples how to communicate about money throughout the lifetime of their marriage. Their immediate response is, “I wish you had talked to my daughter before she got married.”
Have you felt like this as you have watched your daughter plan the wedding and spend your money? So how do you protect your wedding investment? Give your daughter financial skills that she can utilize throughout the life of her marriage. It does not have to be intrusive nor judgmental but in essence a tool that says this is an area where most couples struggle and have limited financial knowledge. Therefore, as your parent that wants to see your marriage succeed, I am giving you this gift of financial education that will keep on giving. Once you learn how to talk WITH your soon-to-be groom about money throughout your marriage and financial challenges you may face, you can handle anything.
Of course you could say, she is an adult and knows how to manage money. Are you thinking that or do you know 100% that she is a good money manager? If there is any doubt, get her Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar today which was created by Dr. Taffy Wagner, of Money Talk Matters, LLC. This financial education program can be purchased through this site, www.MoneyTalkMatters.com .
I did not know about this movie until I was doing some research and very glad that I found out about this movie. Favorite actors and actresses Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson and Michael Douglas are the main characters for this movie. I will be brief in my summary.
Kate Hudson whose character is Molly prepares to marry Carl who is played by Matt Dillon. Carl works for Molly’s father, Bob who is Michael Douglas. Carl’s best friends Neil and Dupree, played by Owen Wilson have been with him through everything in his life. Of course they are in his wedding and Dupree is his Best Man. Upon returning from the honeymoon, newlywed life begins with some interesting issues that can impact a marriage such as the place of friendship, parenting, money and employment. This is a must see movie for engaged couples and newlyweds.
1) Accept yourself for who you are and do not let the parents of the spouse make you feel inferior. Those feelings affect your job, relationships and your marriage.
2) Maintain your friendships within your marriage but not at the expense of your marriage. There is no rule that says once you are married you have to get rid of your friends. CAUTION: Be careful if you are a husband and has a single female friend or vice versa if you are the wife and have a single male friend. Do not open that can of worms.
3) Know what your household income is and work your mutual financial plan. Establish mutual financial goals even while planning your wedding. Anyone outside of your household (this includes parents, grandparents) does not need to know what your income and expenses are unless you are seeking to establish a financial plan utilizing a financial advisor or planner.
4) Have candid talks with your soon to be spouse regarding finances, especially if they grew up in an affluent environment. The true financial picture of your marriage should be discussed before you walk down the aisle so they do not come into the marriage with unrealistic expectations based on their upbringing.
Newlyweds must be comfortable in their marriage and relationship because when other factors present such as relationships with parents and best friends arise that may cause conflict, the newlyweds must stick together despite what parents and best friends think. Even though best friends have generally been around longer than the spouse, the spouse comes first. A true best friend will not place you in the position of choosing between them and your spouse.
WORD OF CAUTION: If one friend is saying this is not the person to marry, consider the source. BUT if EVERYONE is saying you should not marry this person, then you need to WAKE UP and be truthful. Do not marry a person that is not good for you just to get out of a) your parents’ home; b) because you want to be married and do not truly love this person or c) for the money.
1) Pay attention to how the bride is handling money while you are engaged and planning for the wedding. Listen to what they are saying and whether or not they are willing to compromise on wedding purchases and reduce costs. For example, if the bride comes from an affluent family and knows that her parents are paying for everything and is not willing to compromise based on the groom wanting to reduce or alleviate something, this could be a glimpse into what they will do once you are married.
2) Money cannot buy you love. Do not let your parents money and their thoughts about money and a mate dictate who you should marry.
3) Be true to yourself about who you really are and who you love. Do not get into the habit of pleasing people or you will end up unhappy.
I am sooo thrilled at all the articles that are coming out regarding money and marriage. It is in the best interest of the bride and groom to talk about money prior to walking down the aisle. If they have not talked about it in depth, at least beginning the discussion will give them some idea what they are in for.
When people are preparing to wed, they are sooo caught up in the planning and excitement of a wedding, they forget about “The Marriage”. I encourage you today to take that son or daughter, niece or nephew aside and say it is important that you begin talking about money with your soon to be spouse.
Look at this recent article: Get fiscal before you wed
Money is the top reason for divorce and there is no reason that your marriage should become a divorce statistic. Take the time and learn the important skill of communicating about money which can sustain your marriage. If it is hard for you to communicate verbally in the beginning, then write your soon-to-be spouse a love note and begin sharing with him or her about your finances.
The plus side to this is that you are beginning to share and be honest in an area that can cause division, separation and eventually divorce. Take the step today to begin the Money Talk.
If you are a parent, relative or co-worker and know a bride or groom preparing to walk down the aisle, encourage them to begin talking about money beyond the wedding day. Marriage should be for a lifetime.
Day in and day out life happens. We talk about things on the news, friends and relatives. We talk about our children, neighbors and even our jobs. Yet, when we talk about money it might not necessarily pertain to our situation. We talk about we need to buy this or that and usually that is the extent of the conversation.
With the economy being as it is, couples and individuals are being forced to communicate about money. What is interesting is some do not even know where to start or how to have the “Money Talk”. There are couples that have been married for years and have paid the bills, bought houses, cars, etc yet the “Money Talk” has not been what it should be.
Now is a prime opportunity to begin a new foundation and establish the “Money Talk” for your relationship. Regardless of the economy, Money Talk Matters for one simple fact if nothing else, that is money has many roles in our lives. It is not something to be taken lightly but necessary in every day life.
Begin the “Money Talk” today and recognize that it is not a one time conversation. It is an ongoing conversation. Take the first step and start today. You are welcome to post your comments.