Posts Tagged ‘single’
I have been busy over the last few weeks between the kids, my husband and I talking and evaluating our businesses over and over it has been lots of fun. Communciation is key when you are married. Talking with your loved one about the concerns you have, your dreams, your goals and even the things that you are afraid of. Yes, that’s right I said if there are things you are afraid of open up about them as well.
From day one, my husband and I have always been each other’s biggest supporter. Having said that it was fun talking about the growth we want to see in each of the businesses and stepping out of the box to make it happen. Believing in ourselves and what we have to offer was absolutely great. What would you do if your spouse was your biggest encourager? Where do you think your marriage and money would be if you were on the same page and had mutual financial goals?
I have watched different Court tv shows which some are my favorite, but when I watch these people I think what were they thinking when they say I Do. Clearly some people were not thinking. It is evident that they should not have been getting married because they were too young and not ready to be someone’s spouse.
Marriage and money means working together and not against each other. There will be issues come up that you do not even expect but believe this if you can work THROUGH them together, your marriage will be stronger for it.
The idea when you say “I Do” should be to be married for a lifetime. With marriage comes different challenges and issues. Your first thought should be how can we work it out instead of its your fault and I am out of here. You didn’t get married to suddenly be divorced and single. Together you can accomplish much.
Last time I left you with the thought of if you were depending on God or your mate when it came to finances. I also said what is causing the divorce is deeper than money. We reference money as one of the top reasons for divorce but as I said before, money in itself cannot do anything.
When couples are arguing about money, they are arguing about 1) its mishandling – overspending and impulse buying which results in not having enough to pay bills or for other necessities; 2) an individual’s value system when it comes to money. Value system meaning your beliefs about how money should be handled, who should handle the money and what takes precedence when it comes to expenditures in the household. Value system is comprised of many factors especially when it comes to money – your environment, what you saw and experienced when you were growing up regarding money, your personal handling of money good and bad. All of these factors form your value system. So when your value system is challenged you react or respond a certain way.
Value system is big – so let me put it into perspective. For example, as a person that was raised by a single parent with little to no access to money, it would be within my value system to be very cautious about money, paying bills and making sure there is some left over. So it would not “feel good” to me to buy on impulse. Now from Married Christians perspective if you know that you are to pay your bills and you spend impulsively on a want versus a need and now you cannot pay your bills – the discussion is happening in a way you might not like.
So Married Christians may be divorcing and utilizing money as the reason but it is not the reason it is their value system being challenged. They have had enough. Money issues affect more than the husband or the wife, it affects their relationship, performance at work, if they have children (them as well), household bills and more.
Before you decide to file for divorce, think things through and be honest. Think about your actions when it comes to money and marriage – 1) What role did you play in this area that you believe has failed and 2) Did you have structure when it came to finances? Begin talking it out with each other to each other about money to see what you can do to make better decisions to sustain the marriage and time invested in each other than versus throwing away this union.
CAUTION: Do not wait until you are in Divorce court to find out about each other’s financial habits.
You are in for a treat on this one. This is number 30 and will not be the last by a long shot. Tyler Perry’s Madea Family Reunion has it all. Get ready to read an insightful review hopefully without giving tooo much of this movie away.
Madea is quite the character, she deals with a runaway child in her care and also her nieces that have difficulty with love. I want to focus on the neices who are the daughters of Victoria (played by Lynn Whitfield) that clearly is all about the money. She practically is marrying her Lisa, the youngest daughter off to Carlos (played by Blair Underwood). Unbeknownst to Victoria, Carlos has been beating on the Lisa since their engagement. The Lisa shares with Vanessa, her older sister that she is being beat on and they consult Madea for guidance.
Vanessa is single and has two kids and does not think she is worthy of love after all she has been through. Vanessa reveals a family secret to her mother and Lisa hears this for the first time. The mother thinks about herself first even when this dark secret is revealed. To find out if the wedding happened between Carlos and Lisa, you will have to purchase the movie and watch it for yourself. There are many turns and twist that you might not expect. I will give you a hint – Wedding Bells do happen but who gets married? Two thumbs up.
Money does not guarantee happiness. A person that has money does not make them better than anyone else either. Some of the wealthiest people are the unhappiest.
Money Tip #1: Be content with what you have and manage it properly.
Money Tip #2: Appreciate the one you love for who they are and encourage them in whatever they choose to do. It affects the bottom line.
Money Tip #3: Do not marry for money, especially when there is domestic abuse involved.
The mother in this movie, Victoria was all about the money from the very beginning. She was this way with her own marriage and was continuing the cycle for the youngest daughter. Fortunately Vanessa, the older sister sticks up for Lisa and talks with Madea about how to handle it. She tells them not to run but to handle their business with instructions.
Vanessa had trouble trusting men but starts to fall in love with the Bus Driver, Frankie. What happens with Vanessa and the Bus Driver is a tear jerker.
(1) Your past may have some difficult things to overcome, including when it comes to finances however you must not let that stop you from living life.
(2) Learn from your financial mistakes, move on and do not make the same mistakes today or in the future.
(3) Do not be afraid to speak up if you are in a relationship and domestic violence is taking place. This is not someone you want to marry and you need to get out.
(4) Do not get caught in a situation of your parents attempting to live their lives out through you by them dictating what you should do with your life as far as career and marriage. This is a costly mistake.
(5) Having a low self-esteem does not warrant that you should be treated any kind of way. Gain your self-confidence back and know that you deserve better. Having a low self-esteem not only affects your choice in a mate, affects your employment and parenting.
(6) Trust is crucial in a marriage and when it comes to money. This is not something you can fake. If you do not have trust in a marriage, then you do not have anything. Make sure you trust your spouse when it comes to money and marriage.
This is yet another movie that any time it comes on, I have to stop and watch it all the way through. Sandra Bullock is one of my favorites and such a diverse actress she is. I’m sure you’ve heard the story before – young woman from a small town is married to a professional man. They have a child together. She is brought on television thinking she is going to get a makeover by a friend only to find out that her husband has been having an affair with this best friend. She leaves him and has to move back home with her mother.
She has to start over and has much to deal with being a single mother, a not so good relationship with her mother, old flame and more. You must watch this movie.
She was not aware her husband was having an affair and once she became aware she was not financially sound to stand on her own. She had to move back home to her parents home which was not an easy thing to do based on her estranged relationship with her mother.
Money Tip #1 – This is for women – yes you are a wife and you are a woman. Meaning you should know how to manage money even if you have a husband as well as what is happening with the household finances.
Money Tip #2 – If you are put in the position of having to divorce your husband and return to a familiar place with relatives, you do not need to explain your situation to those relatives. If you move back in with your parents, you can choose what you share with them when it comes to your finances.
Money Tip #3 – You are an adult now and do not allow old high school friends or college friends that were competitive with you talk down to you based on what they are assuming is happening in your life. Hold your head up high and take care of your business – finances and all.
It is clear in this movie that Sandra Bullock’s daughter wanted to be with the father and blames the mother for the breakup. As a parent it is important that you share information that the child(ren) need to know. It is not necessary to “bad mouth” the other parent. The child(ren) will make their own judgment based on what they see and hear. If your ex or soon-to-be ex is not paying child support nor spending time with the child(ren), you make memories with your child(ren) and let them know how much they are loved. Divorce and separation affects children and households in many ways. Get your finances in order and know what it takes to make your situation work.
(1) Set the example for your child(ren) that you would want them to be as a young married couple. Teach them about money and managing money early on.
(2) Do no let your personal information become the “town” news of the day. What happens in your marriage and finances is not anyone’s business.
(3) We all love our parents, but do not let your parents opinions cause you to drift into depression which leads to inactivity. It is a costly position to be in.
(4) Do not let the emotional pain of your past cause you to make financial mistakes in your present thereby affecting your future.
(5) Protect the child(ren) from being devastated by a lack of the other parent’s involvement in their lives. This can have long term effects even when they are young adults, husbands and wives. Make lasting memories and it does not have to cost a fortune.
This is one of my favorites – the story of four women that have their individual stories that deal with professionalism, parenting, marriage, a divorced mother and single woman seeking a man. One of my primary reasons for including this movie is because there are varying dynamics that warrants its inclusion. Each character: Savannah, Robin, Gloria and Bernadine have great story lines.
These women share each others triumphs and struggles throughout this movie. Savannah was the professional, single woman that did not let her “single status” keep her from reaching her goals. Although her mother felt every woman “NEEDS” a man. Robin was the professional, single woman that had been burned by men so much that she did not look at them the same. Furthermore, she had lost her self-respect but gained it back in the end. Gloria was the divorced parent that owned a hair salon and who had almost cut herself off from relationships because she had gotten used to spending time with her son that was graduating from high school. She does have an interest in the widowed neighbor. Lastly, we have Bernadine who was married to a professional and mother of two children. When Bernadine wanted to start a business, he told her it was not the right time. So she put everything she had into building his businesses. Strongly recommend you watch the entire movie.
Money Implications: I am going to do this based on each character:
Savannah – she had money and still had some degree of difficulty in who she was as a person. Her mother had limited finances and was attempting to keep it from Savannah. Once Savannah found out, she wired the money for her mother.
Robin – she lived somewhat comfortably but was settling for mediocre men. Had a great job and clearly was making money but what she thought about herself was reflected in the men she dated. Did not really value who she was until the end of the show.
Gloria – the entrepreneur of the group. She appeared to be doing well financially.
Bernadine – the true “lesson” in this group. Do not put everything you have into your spouse. This lady was not aware of what the husband had been doing regarding putting EVERYTHING in his name. Once he decided he wanted a divorce, initially it appeared as if she was not going to get anything.
Money Tip #1: Having money does not mean you cannot have financial problems in your life.
Money Tip #2: If you are an entrepreneur or seeking to become an entrepreneur, do your homework. What type of business are you seeking to start, what are the start-up costs, who is your target audience, can you start this business without taking money from the household budget and another major statement that you cannot ignore: If you are married, talk with your spouse before starting a business especially if it will impact your time and family finances.
Money Tip #3: This applies to the husband and the wife – share with each other about the household finances. Do not let the money manager be the only one that is aware of all the bank accounts, how much money is in each account and when the bills are due.
Money Tip #4: Husbands and wives do not get lost in the marriage. Meaning put everything into the one person where you have no self-identity. That costs you in the long run.
Money Tip #5: Husbands and Wives – stay faithful to your mate and do not even think about the grass on the other side. It does not matter who attempts to flirt with you. Based on a lot of stories in national news and facts – people that enter into infidelity are paying a “HEAVY PRICE” and sometimes it is their life in addition to money.
Money Tip #6: For single parents, if you are not getting the child support that you are due it is up to you to decide what action you are going to take. Also, recommend that you create great memories every day with your children. Creating memories does not necessarily have to involve a lot of money.
Money Tip #7: For the new single parent, when it comes to money – take the time to sit down and detail your new household budget and expenses. This will show you what you need to run your household from month to month.
Observation: Money impacts lives in many ways and should not be ignored. Take the time today to look at the roles money plays in your life.
Recommendations: I know there are times when we as women vent to our girlfriends about our spouses, what I want to say on this is take the time to talk with your husband about your finances and issues you are facing. The two of you are on the same team – solve the situation together.
For the single parent, ensure that you find out all of the resources available to you through different organizations that assist single parents. Some could be local and there could be some that are on the internet. Do your research.
For the newly divorced spouse, pull yourself together and know that being single does not define who you are. Think about what you want to do with your life and what example do you want to set for your children.
Add this to your movie collection today:
Let’s have some fun with truth this post. Prepare yourselves because it could hit some hard and others will read it and still not do anything.
When our car breaks down, the first thing we do is call a mechanic or take our car to a mechanic.
When we do not feel well, we go to the doctor.
When our vision is blurred or we think we are not reading clearly, we go to the eye doctor.
When we do not hear clearly, we go to an ear doctor.
When we have financial challenges and are making financial mistakes, look at what happens:
1) Because of embarrassment, we do not talk to anyone. Consequently we make even more mistakes.
2) We attempt to ignore the problem, thereby ruining our credit.
3) If in a marriage, we point the finger and blame the other spouse. Which causes anger in the relationship and causes stress.
4) Our work performance deteriorates because we are constantly thinking about our lack of money to pay the bills.
5) If you are single and have borrowed money from friends, we stay away from our friends.
6) Money problems lead to divorce in marriage because there is a communication breakdown.
7) We do not talk to anyone for fear of being judged.
Yet in every situation prior, we consult the most likely person who has the expertise to fix the problem or provide recommendations on solutions.
Why not in finances? Do you like where you are in your finances today? Or, do you want to make a change? If you want to make a change – Dr. Taffy is in the financial house and ready to help you.
You have to do something different in order to get better results. I know some of you will read this and agree with it, yet not take any action. I wish you well. But for those of you who take a stand today and say I want to make better financial decisions, get ready for your path to GREATNESS in financial achievement.
This movie was a little difficult for me to watch for several reasons. My biggest problem is the dog is unruly and undisciplined. This couple got Marley shortly after they were married and still newlyweds. Marley was there as they pursued their different career aspirations, had children and even relocated.
John shared how he argued with his father about money in passing. It was in a brief clip of where he was sharing he did this here and there, took Marley here and there and Jen did this or that. That is the extent of what was said about money. The movie shows different times when they were frustrated and overwhelmed by life. Yet they remain committed to their marriage. John’s single friend, Sebastian continues to use Marley in the beginning to meet women. Later on he does the same thing with John’s kids.
Clearly there were some money issues or he would not have been arguing with his father about money. However, since it was not brought out in the movie, we will not know the depth of these money issues unless it was detailed in the book. Incidentally, I do not see myself running right out to get this book.
Money Tip #1: Household finances should remain between you and your spouse. You two are the only ones paying the bills.
Money Tip #2: Family members may seek to give you financial advice without your asking. If you are not comfortable having these conversations then steer clear.
Money Tip #3: When it comes to career aspirations make sure you are doing what makes you happy. As one gets older it is not about the money but what makes you happy and impacts lives.
1) Do not fight with your parents about money. It is important that you and your spouse are discussing your finances.
2) You and your spouse should establish a realistic household budget so that when you are planning your career aspirations you know exactly the amount of income you need to contribute.
Learn early what your response will be when family members ask about your finances. This will serve you well throughout your life and marriage.
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Sponsoring Money Talk Matters weekly financial show on GLORI Radio this week is Single Parent Assistance Resource and Knowledge Network (SPARK). Started by a Single/Divorced Parent to provide information for obtaining Assistance, providing Resources and sharing Knowledge with the daily challenges of parenting in the “Single” Parent Family.
This week’s show is focused on mindset and the power of speech. I commend the Founder of SPARK for being very creative and stepping out of the box. What is created here will benefit so many. Visit her at www.sparkwisdom.com . Be sure and pass this on to any single parents you know.
Interestingly enough I was thinking about writing a post on cash versus credit when I was asked this very thing on twitter last week. Therefore, I know “ears and eyes” are waiting on this response.
Everyone in some capacity knows about the “wrath” of Credit. There comes a point when every consumer must ask themselves which is better for me right now – Cash or Credit? Let me say right now, that regardless of what the economy is doing, cash should be the first choice. Cash because when you make a purchase – you own it. There is no interest, no chance at make a late payment and incurring other debt.
Cash says that you have established your ground rules for your household. That regardless you will stay within your boundaries and not incur debt.
When you Buy on CREDIT below is what begins to happen:
1) The message is sent saying I am going to have that job to pay this bill in the future. Hmmm is this true or false?
2) The door to financial stress in the household is now open. Let me explain even more. Debt does not generally occur overnight. All the small charges add up over time and become unmanageable when we use one or more credit cards. That is when financial stress and strain creep in.
3) Whether single or married, personalities change when unmanageable credit card debt has crept in. You allow your emotions dictate your life. This leads to spur of the moment decisions without considering the long-term consequences. Incidentally the person on the other end who you are directing your emotions at either get hurt or disgusted. This causes distance.
When you CHOOSE to purchase by cash, it has benefits such as:
1) If you purchase your groceries by cash, you will more than likely look compare what is on sale with what you normally buy. This way you can see which is the bigger bargain and if the sale item is really a sale. Result: You might find that you spend less and have extra money left over. This money can be applied towards something else.
2) Purchasing by cash causes you to budget your money accordingly and not impulse buy. Using cash should keep you from purchasing large ticket items that are a Want versus a Need.
3) If you are married, this can remove financial stress because now you have extra money. Every little bit adds up. You can put it towards a bill or a joint financial goal.
Which will you choose today?