Posts Tagged ‘spending’
Ahhhh the weekend, what to do what to do. There was already at least one appointment on the schedule and I was not going to be late. Yes Ladies, it was the hair appointment. The children already knew what they were supposed to prepare for breakfast. The weekend was not scheduled to be a “big” weekend full of expenses. YEA!
Hubby and I talked prior to my leaving to get my hair done. As I was driving to the hair salon, I remembered that I had a few bags of clothing and toys that I wanted him to take to one of the places I like to donate items tooo. I would be thinking about dinner since I didn’t figure out Saturday’s dinner earlier in the week when the twins and I had planned the meals. We had soo much fun we are doing it again the coming week. Believe me, it makes it quite easy on the wallet.
There really was not a money discussion this day. We planned to have some fun with the kids and once I got home, we’d all go to the library and get more DVD’s for school and family fun. I am truly enjoying how much fun they are having with the Earth Science and Life Science DVDs. They are grasping the concepts and are able to explain to me what they saw. Pour it in, pour it in – children are like sponges.
Money and Marriage Lesson for Today:
1) Be secure in working your plan, knowing that everyday you may not have a financial discussion. You may have to make a choice when it comes to money. Be sure to remain focused.
2) Be creative and see if you can go a day or two without spending any money.
Money and Marriage Encouragement: You get out of your money and marriage what you put into it. Don’t get caught only making withdrawals!
What a fun-filled family day we had yesterday. Once I did my work on the computer early in the AM, I never saw my computer again until this morning. Mind you as tired as I was last night, I somehow (okay let’s face it my mind races), there I was at 3am coming down to my office. I got on the computer and was checking emails.
I had received a message on LinkedIn regarding Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ from a local mortgage lender. I imagine they saw the write-up about the book in the Denver Business Journal. That was pretty cool. Then I began thinking about what would we do later today.. I had some ideas in mind yet I wanted to see first if hubby had some ideas.
Even though I worked a couple of hours really early, at 5am I was heading back to bed. The sleep “spirit” had come back on really strong. Fast forward to 10:30am.. what would we do today. I shared how I had a bag of stuff for one of the places we donate clothes and toys too. We told the twins to go through their toys and see what they no longer wanted. They have always been really good at donating the toys they don’t want anymore. I have found if they choose the toys it is either for them to part with them.
We briefly discussed what we would have breakfast. Of course our children wanted French Toast sticks from Jack in the Box. I already knew that was coming.. hubby has them spoiled like that on the weekend. They know more than likely on Saturday or Sunday, they will get either Jack in the Box or McDonald’s pancakes. Not both days – but one day.
While they were out working on their toys, hubby and I talked about a vacation. Would we take a vacation this year.. mind you we hadn’t taken one in a couple of years. Several months ago, I shared how I wanted the family to take a vacation this year. We briefly discussed taking a vacation, whether to drive or fly, where we would go and length of time.
Once he was ready to go and pick up breakfast, I told him I would work on laundry, writing posts and get my homeschool package ready to go in the mail.
Speaking of mail… what would you do if you received an IRS notificiation in the mail? Would you immediately think doom and gloom? Would you be afraid to open it? How would you handle this. Be sure to stay tuned as Eric and I reveal lessons regarding the IRS…
As far as I know the only other expense that will occur today is hubby will be making the Costco run – estimation of $30.00. Total for today $39.00 plus the $104 from yesterday… $143.00 see and we are getting close to that $150 – do I know my husband or what. Whether you are the money manager or not, it is key to get to know your spouse, their spending habits, their goals for finances as well as the family. It makes money and marriage communication and lifestyle a lot easier.
Money and Marriage Lessons for Today:
1) Be honest with yourselves about your spending habits and your desires. There will be times when you just want something instead of needing it.
2) Do not forsake taking a vacation even if it is a staycation. A time of renewal is always good. Once again this would be a lesson for planned spending.
3) Whether you spend all the money in one day or three days, when you plan your money it is always to your advantage. STICK to your goals and they will be accomplished.
Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today: My husband and I are a team and are working together in order to create the life we LIVE for us and our children. (Notice I didn’t say we want to live — we are ATTAINING it NOW not in the FUTURE!)
When I looked over in the next check out lane, there was my husband and our son. I said to my daughter, cover up his present. She did right away. So she stood in line with our shopping cart. Hubby and I touched base briefly and then agreed to meet up for lunch after both of us checked out.
Our son was soooo excited for his sister. He told her when you see what I got for you its going to blow you away! Now, coming from an eight year old – that made me laugh a lot. I knew what he had gotten her. Mind you, he went over the dollar amount and on this one I stretched since I felt it was truly worth it.
After lunch we had a couple of more places to hit and then we were home for the evening. It was sooo much fun and of course the twins were excited for the next day. They had saw boxes being delivered by UPS, the mailman and Fed Ex. Yet, they didn’t know which ones belonged to them and which ones were ours. Oh the fun I was having.
Needless to say that evening, there I was with all of my receipts and budget evaluating what was done with the finances that day. I was very proud of what my husband had done with his lists and dollar amounts as well as myself. When Christmas came, it felt good to know that we stuck to our game plan and didn’t move from it.
It was a great day for many reasons and one which was because it was done in CASH! That’s right. No credit card bills coming in January with huge balances or anything of that nature. I told my husband thank you and that I appreciated him working within the plan because I know that is not what he would like to do.
Lessons from the Cash Christmas:
1) Set your plan whether early or even late and stick to the plan. You (and your family) are the ones that has to live with the consequences.
2) If you are the shopper, shop within healthy financial boundaries that allow you to enjoy life knowing the bills are paid and you have money left over.
3) Create memories surrounding finances that don’t involve stress. Hmmm, there’s a refreshing idea.
4) For those with children, set the example and actions you want them to follow once they are adults.
The topic of savers and spenders marrying continue to be a hot topic. I know firsthand that this is true even of my own marriage. I read an article a couple of days ago that was titled Why Savers and Spenders Marry . The author shares how her husband started a new job teaching in the fall and suggested he might need some new work clothes. She braced herself for a fight. To her surprise – she calls him Mr. Frugal, he agreed with her.
I know when I met my husband, he was a shopper to his heart. Believe me when I say shopper, I mean it seriously. One of the first things he asked me was to write down all of my sizes – clothes, shoes and jewelry. I must say this floored me because that had not ever happened. Mind you I did what he asked. Once we got married, he would shop for me. This was great because I HATE shopping. I love to shop for books (I am an avid reader) but not clothes. I don’t do Christmas shopping like most. I have to make my list of what I want, where it is at. Go in, purchase it and come out.
Okay, back to the post – so when we got married we agreed on a plan to clean up our debt. Within our plan we also decided to balance his spending and he agreed. So we established healthy boundaries in money management. So the shopper became conservative and saving. I believe that in every saver and spender their is a part of the other perspective in each. It just depends on what you would purchase. Because I turn into a shopper when it comes to books, however, for anything else I am a saver.
Husbands and wives, brides and grooms – open communciation and being honest about who you are is essential. If you are a shopper, you are a shopper. If you are a saver, you are a saver. Do not let that role cause you to live an unhappy marriage and life. Work together for common goals in the financial aspect of your marriage.
I tell you what people need to stop coming up with these insane notions when it comes to marriage. I was doing my morning research before having class with the twins and came across this article – Does Marriage Make You Poorer? If you have been reading my blog for quite a while, you already know that I am not about the nonsense that continues to be spewed out when it comes to marriage, let alone Money and Marriage.
Let’s face it, marriage does not make you poorer. Furthermore, money does not do anything by itself. How people chooes to handle or mishandle money is what makes them richer or poorer. Then how their character changes because of money or a lack of money is what causes other situations in their lives and marriages.
If a husband and wife, discuss money openly on a regular basis, with mutual financial goals in mind, then their money and marriage is what they make. People need to understand money is not the only way that they can be rich, because there are a lot of MISERABLE rich people. Richness happens when there is a family that loves each other, enjoy spending time together and living life. Sure they could have financial challenges, but they discuss them and solve them together. One does not choose to throw in the towel because it is not a perfect world when it comes to finances.
Your money in marriage is what you make it. Do not let society dictate what your money in marriage is supposed to be today. Do not surround yourself with people that are jealous of your marriage and are telling you things to bring you into their world of misery. Take a stand for your marriage today like you never have before. Begin talking and making mutual financial goals in the present. It is a new chance to make better financial decisions.
This morning after class with our twins, I was doing some research and discovered this article that is titled, Is One Month Into Dating Too Soon to Get Hitched? Of course as suspected, this article is talking about famous people tying the knot after one month of dating. Then it goes on to share the pros and cons.
I started thinking about is there an approved dating period before marriage? Truly there are some people that get married in a short period of time after dating because they just know they have found their best friend, soul mate that they want to spend the rest of their life with.
Let me share my own example, many many years prior to meeting my husband, I had two serious relationships where one lasted for four years and the other was three years. Neither of those led me to walk down the aisle saying “I Do” and believe me every day of my life, I am truly thankful for that. There was waaaaaay to much drama in each.
But when I met my husband, we only dated for six months and then we were married. We knew after three months of dating that we were supposed to be married. We spent lots of time talking about our pasts, things we did and what we would like to do. I am a very no nonsense type of woman – what you see is what you get. No time for pretending to be someone else.
Here is what I would have to say if someone is asking to get married after a month of dating or even a few weeks:
1) What is the hurry? Is there some information that you are about to find out that if you are married does not have to be disclosed? Is there some legal trouble they are about to get in and this would permit them to avoid it.
2) Is their financial gain on the other person’s behalf by doing it sooo fast? You have to be very careful when it comes to a “rushed” marriage when you haven’t known each other for so long.
3) Sometimes children are involved… enough said.
I am not saying that people should not get married. What I am saying is people should take the time to get to know each other and do not gloss over what could appear to be a “red flag” even while dating before moving on to walking down the aisle.
Marriage is a wonderful lifestyle and should not be entered into on a whim or because it is what everyone is doing. Take the time to date and have fun, it doesn’t stop once you are married to the right person.
Last time I left you with the thought of if you were depending on God or your mate when it came to finances. I also said what is causing the divorce is deeper than money. We reference money as one of the top reasons for divorce but as I said before, money in itself cannot do anything.
When couples are arguing about money, they are arguing about 1) its mishandling – overspending and impulse buying which results in not having enough to pay bills or for other necessities; 2) an individual’s value system when it comes to money. Value system meaning your beliefs about how money should be handled, who should handle the money and what takes precedence when it comes to expenditures in the household. Value system is comprised of many factors especially when it comes to money – your environment, what you saw and experienced when you were growing up regarding money, your personal handling of money good and bad. All of these factors form your value system. So when your value system is challenged you react or respond a certain way.
Value system is big – so let me put it into perspective. For example, as a person that was raised by a single parent with little to no access to money, it would be within my value system to be very cautious about money, paying bills and making sure there is some left over. So it would not “feel good” to me to buy on impulse. Now from Married Christians perspective if you know that you are to pay your bills and you spend impulsively on a want versus a need and now you cannot pay your bills – the discussion is happening in a way you might not like.
So Married Christians may be divorcing and utilizing money as the reason but it is not the reason it is their value system being challenged. They have had enough. Money issues affect more than the husband or the wife, it affects their relationship, performance at work, if they have children (them as well), household bills and more.
Before you decide to file for divorce, think things through and be honest. Think about your actions when it comes to money and marriage – 1) What role did you play in this area that you believe has failed and 2) Did you have structure when it came to finances? Begin talking it out with each other to each other about money to see what you can do to make better decisions to sustain the marriage and time invested in each other than versus throwing away this union.
CAUTION: Do not wait until you are in Divorce court to find out about each other’s financial habits.
I remember when this movie came out, I could not wait to watch. Now everytime it comes on tv, another that has me glued to the tube. Sanaa Lathan, Donald Faison, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Alfre Woodard, Taraji P. Henson, Mike Epps, Earl Billings and Golden Brooks are some of my favorite actors and actresses.
Corporate lawyer, independent woman that is not dating but everyone including her parents want her to finds love. Her friends tell her to try something new and do not worry about finding the “ideal black man.” Lo and behold she finds love in an unexpected place with a different package than she expected. Her friends set her up on a blind date with a landscaper and she is thrown for a minute.
She needs landscaping done and hires him to do it. He comes over to work on a weekend and discover that she is dressed in professional attire and comments. She shares that she has to go to work and is on target to become a partner. Before you know it, Kendra (Sanaa’s character) and Brian are spending more time together and she likes him.
Her family on the other hand has other ideas. This movie deals with race, money, parents and friends. I barely scratched the surface of this movie in my summary, grab your copy below if you want to know all the details.
When it comes to your profession and you work in an environment where you might be the only person of your ethnicity, do not let it keep you from become successful and reaching your goals. Sure there will be people in the work environment that have a limiting mindset and could even talk down to you, utilize that as encouragement to press forward to success. Do not let their limitations stifle your earning potential.
Money Tip #1: You can settle for someone that makes the parent(s) happy but you will not be happy and could do things that would destroy your relationship. That comes at a price.
Money Tip #2: Stand by your beliefs even when completing a job, there is nothing greater than your integrity. If it makes the boss mad, so be it – be true to yourself and the facts.
Money Tip #3: Do not speak false information, you will be found out. This could cost you, your relationship and your job.
Once she realized who truly was in her heart, she could no longer deny it and went after her man. Most of us know the truth pretty rapidly. Do not marry the wrong person because the money was spent or you were trying to save face. No noe will know the full story unless you choose to divulge it.
Stay true to who you really are and do not which I cannot stress enough get into the habit of pleasing your parents. Do not forsake your spouse for your parents.
Putting the parents before your spouse can destroy your marriage and relationship.
(1) Be true to who you are and what your heart says.
(2) Keep an ongoing ledger or online tool to track your money. This will aid yo in the future if you have to remove something.
(3) Love is not about material things. It is fine to have material things but do not let material things have you.
(4) Race should not matter when it comes to love.
Ladies, I was sitting here reviewing and thinking back to when I was younger and some of the different women that came across my path and what they did when it came to men. Lo and behold, that is where the title of this post came from. There are women who are spending their money on a man to keep him interested when they know he is not faithful nor committed to their relationship. In their mind, they were seriously dating and not far from walking down the aisle, when he is far from it.
For the woman that is reading this and it fits you, stop now! Do not spend another dime on this man. He is not the one for you no matter how good you think you are for him. You cannot buy love because love is not for sale. It is not an emotion it is a choice. Furthermore, if you have a person that is not being faithful when you are dating, what makes you think he will be faithful once you are married? Just a thought!
Do not ignore what is happening right in front of you. If you do and force a relationship that is not supposed to happen, you are potentially in for heart ache down the road that could have been avoided. Buying toys and trinkets does not solidify your relationship what it does it cause you to be taken advantage of.
Think about it. How many women do you know that have tried to buy a man with gifts, even giving him money, etc? What was the end result? Stop today if this is you. Don’t put yourself in a financial hole for someone that is probably not going to be around much longer.
I must admit when my husband first bought this movie quite some time ago, I would not even watch it. Just looking at the front cover, it did not appeal to me. As I was going through movies on the shelf that I had not watched, I picked it up and read the back cover. Well, lo and behold seems like the kind of movie I would watch. Remember – you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith have been married for five or six years and they go to see a marriage counselor to discuss their marriage. They are describing their marriage on a scale of 1 to 10. Then the counselor asks them how they met and they agree it was five or six years ago in Bogata. He was standing in a bar watching what was happening. The bar tender told him that the police were looking for people traveling alone. They ask him if he was alone and he touches his ear as if to say repeat it. Then she comes running in and they ask her if she is alone. He speaks up and says no she is with me. They walk behind these doors and they introduce themselves. They spend some time together and shortly thereafter they are married. They both work never really disclosing to each other what they do. They leave home at the same time of day and she usually gets home first and prepare dinner. Both upon returning home places their wedding rings back on their finger without the other one knowing. This movie has lies, secrets, division, teamwork and more. You must watch this one to get all of the facts.
Money can afford couples an opportunity to live a stress free life when the money is managed properly.
This was a marriage filled with lies and secrets. Many marriages would not be able to continue once the lies and secrets began coming out. That is what is so interesting about TV – “IT’s TV – not all of it is based on a true story. Same thing with movies. Now you can learn from this, that you should not keep secrets and when you tell one lie, you usually have to keep on telling lies to cover up the truth. That is tooooo much work and unnecessary.
This marriage was built on lies from the start based on the part of the wife. The husband did not become aware until later. Imagine how he felt. If there are secrets you are keeping from your spouse today, I recommend you think about how you are going to Tell the Truth and come clean.
(1) If you have financial secrets from your spouse, it is time to start revealing the truth. I imagine your goal is not to be alone because you got married. Secrets are one thing that can destroy a marriage.
(2) Do not live a secret life within your marriage. People can always sense when something is wrong and they could turn into a Private Detective until they discover what it is. That could end up costing you money and your marriage.
(3) Teamwork in marriage is important, especially when it comes to financial challenges. Remember you are on the same team, not opposites. Work together for the benefit and growth of the marriage.
(4) Yes you can have different financial backgrounds. If you want to see your marriage grow into financial oneness, establish one mutual financial goal and work on it together. Once you accomplish it together, then work on another.
(5) Do not let your friends (especially single friends) dictate your relationship with your spouse. Remember, Misery loves company.
If you have not seen this movie, purchase your copy below: