Posts Tagged ‘stress’
If you’re worried about your finances, chances are you’re also feeling the physical effects of money stress. A dwindling bank account and rising debt can not only cause you to feel stress, it can lead to an increased risk of disease and other health problems.
Some stress is a good thing. It helps you to prepare for an important event like studying for an exam, preparing for a big presentation, or handling an emergency. But the body isn’t made to sustain that stress over a long period of time. And when the stress continues for more than a day or two, it begins to take its toll on your system.
Recently, researchers discovered that the more debt you have the more stressed you become. This makes sense, doesn’t it? There’s almost nothing worse than opening your mailbox and finding another bill that you really can’t afford to pay. That constant feeling of dread and stress can make you feel physically and emotionally unwell.
For example, you may be feeling tired, depressed, and fatigued. You may be suffering from headaches, indigestion, and even have problems with high blood pressure. Some people have difficulty sleeping because of stress or suffer from nightmares when they finally do fall asleep.
The more you worry, the more out of control things may seem. It helps to tackle the problem head on so that you can eliminate the symptoms that are causing your body to feel stress. There are several ways you can tackle the problem of having too much debt and not enough income.
To begin with, it may help to write things down on paper. Keeping a journal can help you to deal with the feelings you’re experiencing as well as come up with solutions. And writing something down gives your brain the permission it needs to stop worrying about a problem constantly. You can come back to your worries another time.
Make sure that every time you write down a worry, you also come up with possible solutions – at least one for every problem. This will help you to stop feeling helpless and start taking charge of your life.
In addition, it’s time to take a good look at your financial predicament. If you’re continuing to spend money you don’t really have, you may need to get outside help. If you’ve got bills that are getting larger and larger, it’s time to do some financial planning and determine a way to get out of debt.
Do not delay taking control of your finances which will affect your health. You may discover once you get your finances in order, your health will begin to clear up!
Yesterday was quite busy. I had to go out to a meeting that morning, then return and do some follow-up emails. One of the discussion my husband and I were having as I was out that morning was what bills had been processed and he needed me to review a bill from his business account. He wanted to make sure he was right on what he had been charging a client for a specific job. There I was opening up one of my favorite programs – Quickbooks and doing the research. Easy enough!
Once I was out, I knew that I would have to do the banking at the end of the day instead of first. I was more than happy about that because I was on a MISSION! Once I’m on a mission, I will not be distracted. Went to the meeting and did what I needed to do. Then the kids and I headed back home. We already had a plan for lunch which having planned our meals for the majority of the week has helped out.
Believe me there is nothing like being real hands on with your finances. You know what comes in and what goes out. Makes it that much easier to plan and enjoy life. I was sharing with my husband on Day 7 – each day we have to make a choice when it comes to money. Do you pay this bill or do you not pay the bill and spend your money on something else. It ALL boils down to choices and what you want to experience in your life. Do you want to have a good quality of life, bills are paid, you can do what you want or will you choose to not pay the bills and be living a life full of stress and worry?
We often talk about brides and grooms, why some people hesitate in getting help? Let’s face it there are some people that are very comfortable struggling financially and being stressed. Now take a minute, because I didn’t say it was right but I am sure yo have heard there are people who don’t like trying new things. There’s usually a fear of the unknown when truly the unknown could be where you need to go.
Back to the money conversation we had today. Bills paid – check, where are we with the IRS — let’s return to that conversation. So once I told him about the IRS and we agreed to keep it between us, then the work really began on my part. I contacted the IRS and scheduled my meeting with them. Very thankful that it was the second week in May because I was due to leave for the Bridal show within three days after that phone call. Mind you, my excitement level was really high because I’d be debuting my latest book and I’d FINALLY get to meet one of my twitter friends in person.
Who would have known how much fun this was going to be. Did you notice that I didn’t let this notification nor phone call stop me from what I had already planned for the book, nor did I let it stop us from different things we had already planned for our twins. We continued to proceed right on with our plans.
Because they were auditing all of our businesses for a particular year, I had to spend a great deal of time pulling receipts, mileage charts, expenses and etc. I would hang out with the family and I went to the Blackbride.com Bridal show, met my dear friend Mary and had loads of fun. When I returned the work really began to locate documents, receipts, and all that fun stuff. Since I was the one that got all of our accounting records together every year, I had already shared with my husband that I would attend the meeting and handle things on our behalf this way he wouldn’t have to sit there with me and become frustrated. From my understanding of the video I watched, the meeting could take up to 5 hours.
So we agreed that he would keep the kids that day while I handled the meeting in May. I also would be meeting with our accountant once I returned so that he could give me some idea on how the meeting would go. Ladies and gentleman when you are not knowledgeable in an area – go to an expert and get some answers. It is worth the INVESTMENT! No need in creating a mess when you don’t have to.
Join me tomorrow as I share more about IRS.
Money and Marriage Lessons for today:
1) Do not tell everyone what you are going through when it comes to finances because they will express their fear and anxiety and if you are not careful, you will take on those feelings when they are not warranted.
2) Continue on with your plans whenever a financial situation arise. Believe me it is all in how you handle situations that determine how you will come out of it. Expect a GREAT report and it shall be. If you are expecting negativity and doom and gloom – so be it. You decide what you prefer to experience.
3) When a husband and wife are in agreement, they are UNSTOPPABLE!
4) Know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work together accordingly.
Money and Marriage Encouragement Today: When a financial challenge arise, take the time to think about the big picture and consequences.
I was reading about a study that was recently completed by American Express Spending & Saving Tracker survey claimed that financial issues created more tensions in their relationship than anything else. Then it went on to state, “The majority of people prefer financial independence instead of dependence on a partner”.
When couples get married it does not mean that you have to lose yourself including financially because you are married. I am not saying that either spouse should have an account where money is kept hidden from each other in case you decide you want to bail out on the marriage. The message I want to convey is this, prior to your uniting your finances was your responsibility whether you handled them good, bad or indifferent. Once you are married, those finances are still yours, good, bad or indifferent. Whether or not you and your mate choose to open joint accounts is another discussion that should be had and a decision should be made.
Should spouses have a separate account. I believe spouses should have a separate account in addition to whatever they have decided regarding joint accounts. My husband and I have a separate account that we use to pamper each other and have some extra that we can pamper ourselves that does not hinder the household finances. What does that do for the marriage? That removes stress from the marital finances because in every relationship there is a shopper and a saver. If the shopper gets out of hand and now they are unable to pay all the bills, the saver (if they are the money manager) will not be happy.
If the husband and wife also have a joint account, then they know that one person is not shouldering all the financial responsibility. There is nothing wrong with dependence within balance. Seems to me as if there are spouses (whether husband or wife) that could be losing their life and identity once they become married. There are husbands and wives that have given up jobs and stay at home for one reason or another and that does impact the marital finances.
When financial issues arise the amount of stress it places on a marriage can affect so many areas of their life – relationships, employment, credit and much more. I would encourage all couples to do what is best for them. Develop a financial plan for your marriage and work your plan, even if you have been married for numerous years. You can start today right where you are.
Based on the response and questions that came in after the post Money and Marriage as a Solo Effort, I thought it was best to take each question one by one and address them in a post. Take the time to read the original post about Money and Marriage as a Solo Effort if you do not understand the response.
What about marriages where the husband dumps all financial responsibility on his wife (including making all income) and is quite happy living in his own little world, pottering about, working occasionally at a “fun”, low stress, low pay, part-time job, oblivious to bills and all other responsibilities? Disappears upstairs to play computer games when he comes home. Doesn’t want to know about finances, doesn’t care. I’d love to know if anyone has found a solution to this relationship/finances issue.
Answer: Dear MF: Let me ask you this question, did the marriage start out this way where the finances were dumped on the wife and the husband had withdrawn into his own world? I imagine you are going to tell me no. If you say no it did not start out that way then answer these questions:
1) What happened for this behavior to become the norm?
2) What was the wife’s role in accepting this new behavior because there came a certain time in the relationship when she deemed this was okay and it has continued. However, now she is not happy with it.
3) Has the wife sat down and tried to talk about finances with her husband in a manner that was more of informative versus panic or frustration? Finances are a part of life. Is he not concerned with eating, living, driving to work, etc.
It is not all the husband’s fault. I am not condoning the behavior – focus on what I am saying. The wife needs to look at her role in what is happening in their household. Both have some responsibility for what is happening in the marriage right now. Whether or not both of take control for the benefit of the marriage will be up to you and the husband. Do not be so quick to point the figure and say it is your fault. You had a role and still do in what is happening in your home. What’s your next move?
Well, I tell you what when I saw this question in my email box it stirred up several things in me. The complete question was this: Do I stress about money while dating a woman with children, could it be greed? Hmmm, why would you write me if you are going to answer your own question. Or is it because you think I am going to sugar coat the answer. Let me tell you, that does not happen on this blog and most should know that by now.
A single mother with children who is handling her business does not need in any way a selfish man in her life or the lives of her children. See it is not necessarily greed unless you are there to take money from her and prevent her from her handling her business. It is more selfish because you have turned into another child instead of a male who could be an example of a man handling his business.
Single mothers do not need distractions in their life. They have already been through enough which caused them to become single parent and are getting their lives on track and are making sacrifices for their kids. They are making sure their kids get everything that they need. Single mothers – if you are reading this, do not settle for less than you and your children deserve. It is soooo not worth it.
For those of you that do not know, I was raised by a single mom so I know firsthand what I am talking about. Single moms – everybody does not need and should not meet your children. Protect them. Everyone is not worthy of your precious children.
So for the male that sent that question in, you need to re-evaluate who you are and what you want out of life. Do not cause pain to someone else because you are in pain or have residual pain from a previous relationship.