Money Talk Matters

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I must admit when my husband first bought this movie quite some time ago, I would not even watch it. Just looking at the front cover, it did not appeal to me. As I was going through movies on the shelf that I had not watched, I picked it up and read the back cover. Well, lo and behold seems like the kind of movie I would watch. Remember – you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have been married for five or six years and they go to see a marriage counselor to discuss their marriage. They are describing their marriage on a scale of 1 to 10. Then the counselor asks them how they met and they agree it was five or six years ago in Bogata. He was standing in a bar watching what was happening. The bar tender told him that the police were looking for people traveling alone. They ask him if he was alone and he touches his ear as if to say repeat it. Then she comes running in and they ask her if she is alone. He speaks up and says no she is with me. They walk behind these doors and they introduce themselves. They spend some time together and shortly thereafter they are married. They both work never really disclosing to each other what they do. They leave home at the same time of day and she usually gets home first and prepare dinner. Both upon returning home places their wedding rings back on their finger without the other one knowing. This movie has lies, secrets, division, teamwork and more. You must watch this one to get all of the facts.

Money Implications:

Money can afford couples an opportunity to live a stress free life when the money is managed properly.

Observations:
This was a marriage filled with lies and secrets. Many marriages would not be able to continue once the lies and secrets began coming out. That is what is so interesting about TV – “IT’s TV – not all of it is based on a true story. Same thing with movies. Now you can learn from this, that you should not keep secrets and when you tell one lie, you usually have to keep on telling lies to cover up the truth. That is tooooo much work and unnecessary.

This marriage was built on lies from the start based on the part of the wife. The husband did not become aware until later. Imagine how he felt. If there are secrets you are keeping from your spouse today, I recommend you think about how you are going to Tell the Truth and come clean.

Recommendations:
(1) If you have financial secrets from your spouse, it is time to start revealing the truth. I imagine your goal is not to be alone because you got married. Secrets are one thing that can destroy a marriage.

(2) Do not live a secret life within your marriage. People can always sense when something is wrong and they could turn into a Private Detective until they discover what it is. That could end up costing you money and your marriage.

(3) Teamwork in marriage is important, especially when it comes to financial challenges. Remember you are on the same team, not opposites. Work together for the benefit and growth of the marriage.

(4) Yes you can have different financial backgrounds. If you want to see your marriage grow into financial oneness, establish one mutual financial goal and work on it together. Once you accomplish it together, then work on another.

(5) Do not let your friends (especially single friends) dictate your relationship with your spouse. Remember, Misery loves company.

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I was minding my own business this morning driving home from a meeting and this movie came flooding my mind. I thought to myself absolutely.

This movie included Martin Lawrence, Lynn Whitfield, Regina King and Della Reese. This movie has a couple of turns and twists in it – let me share without giving away the plot of the movie. Martin plays Darnell who is managing a night club, thinks he is a ladies’ man. His childhood sweetheart is Mia who had joined the military. His mom is Della Reese which I believe was perfect casting.

Darnell is working at the club and Lynn Whitfield whose character is Brandi is a very upscale, classy woman that comes to the club and steps out of a limousine. She has money, likes the finer things in life and of course, Darnell sees her as his ultimate challenge as a ladies’ man.

Just like boys, Darnell and some of his pals are making bets on how long it will take him to get physical with her. Initially Brandi rejects his attempts. Eventually he wins her over and that is when everything changes between Darnell, Brandi and Mia. Before you think you know what happened, trust me you don’t. You will want to see this movie – lies, relationships, money and more…..

Money Implications:
Just because someone has money does not mean they do not have their share of issues in life. Some could be financial and they could also be something else. If you have money and do not know how to manage money, you can get into financial trouble really fast.

Money Tip #1: Establish financial goals for yourself and your marriage and/or relationship with deadlines.

Money Tip #2: Character Mia was comfortable with who she was and she had goals for herself. Be true to yourself and where you are financially. Do not attempt to keep up with someone else. Do YOU!

Money Tip #3: Pay attention to how your groom is spending money when you are dating or during the engagement. Is he lavishing you with gifts and not paying his bills? That will cause financial stress in marriage. Make a note.

Observations:

We all know men like a challenge. Well some women do to. It is important that you keep the love alive in your marriage. Talk with your mate. Ask them about their job and what would they like to see happen in the household finances if you have not ever asked them the question. Husbands and wives alike want to be appreciated and not ignored or made to feel unappreciated.

Recommendations:
(1) Do not discount what you have thinking the grass is greener on the other side. You could be making a costly mistake.

(2) Work with your mate for financial independence and not against them. Be the best that you can be with that mate.

(3) Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it and discover it is not what you truly wanted.

(4) Pay attention and listen to what your spouse is saying. They are revealing information to help alleviate stress in the marriage.

(5) Establish your mutual financial goals and do not get distracted by other people’s opinion on what they think you should be doing.

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I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

When young men and women are preparing for marriage, they have time on their side because some of them are not getting married right away. The benefit is if they have questions or concerns about money, they can talk with their parents or their parents can refer them to a financial advisor that can assist them with talking about money as a couple.

It should be a parents responsibility to ensure that their son or daughter knows this life and marriage sustaining skill so that they can live happily ever after and not have financial issues because of the debt incurred from the wedding.

Parents should think back to when they first got married and all the things they wish someone had told them when it came to money and marriage. They can impart this knowledge to their son or daughter so they will not have to go through the same struggles the parents did but be informed on handling financial situations.

Parents love your sons and daughters and do not assume that they know how to manage money. Sure, they might have gone to college and seemed to have taken care of money while at college. Let me ask you a question: What is the amount of their student loan bill? Enough said.

Prepare your son or daughter with this valuable life and marriage sustaining skill. They will thank you for it later. You will also be glad that you did.

Every month there are couples getting married. I have read story after story of wedding planning being impacted by the economy. Either the bride or groom has lost a job, the bridal shop where the brides dress was closed overnight and now she is left without a dress – just some unbelievable things. There have also been many stories that couples are getting very creative when it comes to wedding plan and having their wedding.

I want to applaud all the couples that have recognized that they need to reduce their wedding budget as well as those that are CHOOSING not to accrue debt or any more debt for their union. I say this because more than likely one person is entering the marriage with some form of debt. The question is have they shared this information with their spouse to be. That makes all the difference.

When couples are preparing to walk down the aisle they need to be realistic and not think of their life as something on tv. Since the recession, it has been reported that three out of four married couples are arguing about money. Money is a topic that should be discussed regularly throughout the marriage and not just when an emergency comes up.

Start slowly so that you do not overwhelm your soon to be spouse. Remember you will be talking about money throughout the lifetime of your marriage. Talking about money openly builds trust in a relationship. I cannot stress enough that this is a subject that should not be avoided or ignored.

As you prepare to walk down the aisle be realistic as you begin your journey to marital happiness. You do not have to be like the norm and expect the fairy tale and then get let down.

There was no way that I would pass up discussing this article I found this morning titled Does Money Ruin Relationships? First I want to note that this article was in the Ethipoian Review and what is being discussed is money in the United States of America the problems that surrounds it in different situations.

Clearly points out “the mega divorce settlements in the United States there was adultery involved. It looks at our athletes that were in college and then went pro signing huge contracts which leads to all kinds of money problems.” It goes on to share about with the athletes there is spousal abuse, child support and yes infidelity. Then the high priced attorney comes in for representation.

I was amazed at the detail of this article. I am not in disagreement with what is written but I want to say especially when it comes to the athletes more than likely prior to becoming a professional athlete they did not know how to manage money. Look at their background what was the environment they grew up in, did they have access to money and even how did they go to college. Then once they became a pro athlete they had people telling them what to do and some not looking out for their best interest.

I am sure just like me you have seen news report after news report where athletes once retired have money issues and it is hard to believe. Money by itself cannot do anything but the person managing or mismanaging it leads to problems that continue for quite a period of time.

This article also talks about the politicians and “spreading their oaks” it says. But somewhere in there believes that money is a part of it. Well, I have had my fill of watching politicians being exposed for their infidelity to last me a life time because I do not like what it does to the wife nor the kids (if they have any) that are now being thrust into the limelight because of the husband choosing to be with another person. The PRICE of infidelity is tooo high for people to pay.

I do not believe money ruins relationships. It is how people handle, think about, utilize, manipulate and control money that ruins relationships. What do you think?

This is yet another movie that any time it comes on, I have to stop and watch it all the way through. Sandra Bullock is one of my favorites and such a diverse actress she is. I’m sure you’ve heard the story before – young woman from a small town is married to a professional man. They have a child together. She is brought on television thinking she is going to get a makeover by a friend only to find out that her husband has been having an affair with this best friend. She leaves him and has to move back home with her mother.
She has to start over and has much to deal with being a single mother, a not so good relationship with her mother, old flame and more. You must watch this movie.

Money Implications:
She was not aware her husband was having an affair and once she became aware she was not financially sound to stand on her own. She had to move back home to her parents home which was not an easy thing to do based on her estranged relationship with her mother.

Money Tip #1 – This is for women – yes you are a wife and you are a woman. Meaning you should know how to manage money even if you have a husband as well as what is happening with the household finances.

Money Tip #2 – If you are put in the position of having to divorce your husband and return to a familiar place with relatives, you do not need to explain your situation to those relatives. If you move back in with your parents, you can choose what you share with them when it comes to your finances.

Money Tip #3 – You are an adult now and do not allow old high school friends or college friends that were competitive with you talk down to you based on what they are assuming is happening in your life. Hold your head up high and take care of your business – finances and all.

Observation:
It is clear in this movie that Sandra Bullock’s daughter wanted to be with the father and blames the mother for the breakup. As a parent it is important that you share information that the child(ren) need to know. It is not necessary to “bad mouth” the other parent. The child(ren) will make their own judgment based on what they see and hear. If your ex or soon-to-be ex is not paying child support nor spending time with the child(ren), you make memories with your child(ren) and let them know how much they are loved. Divorce and separation affects children and households in many ways. Get your finances in order and know what it takes to make your situation work.

Recommendation:
(1) Set the example for your child(ren) that you would want them to be as a young married couple. Teach them about money and managing money early on.

(2) Do no let your personal information become the “town” news of the day. What happens in your marriage and finances is not anyone’s business.

(3) We all love our parents, but do not let your parents opinions cause you to drift into depression which leads to inactivity. It is a costly position to be in.

(4) Do not let the emotional pain of your past cause you to make financial mistakes in your present thereby affecting your future.

(5) Protect the child(ren) from being devastated by a lack of the other parent’s involvement in their lives. This can have long term effects even when they are young adults, husbands and wives. Make lasting memories and it does not have to cost a fortune.

We have all heard the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”  I am going to address that from the aspect of money and marriage.  I decided to do some research because about two years ago, I offered a teaching on the Mindset and even to this day, I continue to get more and more revelation into how the mind truly works because, I am sooo intrigued by the mind.

From my research, the average human has 55,000 thoughts per day which means 2,292 thoughts per hour and 38 thoughts every minute. WOW! That is a lot and now, it is clear to me why there are times when my mind is racing. That comes from excitement or even specific things becoming clearer in my mind.

We hold in our minds thoughts of the past, our childhood, things we did as young adults, the present and thoughts about our future.  Think about it, someone could have called you on the phone and said “remember when….. ” and you would say yes and there your mind goes taking you down memory lane.

Now that you have gotten a brief glimpse into the mind, I want to turn your attention to YOUR MOUTH. Let’s get down to the specifics – one study shows that men speak an average of 15,669 words per day and women speak 16,215 words per day. Those numbers are not significantly different.

What do we speak?  Words, observations, past failures that are in our MINDS. Granted we do have accomplishments and achievements and it seems it takes  a lot to naturally speak up about our accomplishments. As a whole the world seems to focus on the negative sooo much instead of the positive.

When it comes to money and marriage, I have to say this – if you are not careful about what THOUGHTS you have towards money and marriage, your MIND will deceive you. How you ask? Many couples are not discussing money and marriage – they have become mind readers as to why their spouse took this course of action when it pertains to finances instead of asking. Once you become a mind reader, you make a lot of assumptions which are usually unfounded.  This leads to other problems in the marriage.

Once the mind has deceived you, those thoughts that you are thinking over and over – then you begin to SPEAK with your mouth negativity, speaking out of emotions as well as past failures and experiences.  Negativity, emotions, past failures and experiences can put you on a course leading your marriage straight to divorce. 

Let’s take it that we do have 2,292 thoughts per hour and an unexpected financial situation presents in your marriage and you are speaking 16,215 words per day. Whether you are reacting to this situation or responding, what are you likely to utilize your mouth to speak? Optimism or will you choose to complain and argue about money issues that persist in your marriage?

Your mind (thoughts)  and mouth (what you speak) are very crucial to your every day life. are very crucial to your every day life – your relationships, how you raise your children, your job, your business – everything.

One of my favorite scriptures is:

 Proverbs 23:7 – So as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

What are you thinking about your money in marriage now? What do you think about your spouse? What do you think about yourself? Be careful before you speak either negativity or defeat into your life.

I encourage you to line up your mind (thoughts) and your mouth (speech) for health, happiness, marital peace, financial independence and more.

Copyright ©2009 – Dr. Taffy Wagner – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper citation.

One of my all time favorites and every time it comes on, I have stop and watch it. Yes it draws me in and I have to get my popcorn. This movie has sooo many facets that I am going to share a little more detail than usual in order that you will see it is worthy of being part of this database.

These women can act – Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Darryl Hannah and Olympia Dukakis. What a cast. This movie takes place in northwest Louisiana – two thumbs up for that.  Many women experience stories happening around the beauty parlor. This story is no different – the action takes place around Truvy’s beauty parlor with women who are regulars. I can see it now, if you are like me when I go to the “hair shop” there are the regulars that I talk with when I see them. Catch up on family life and our thoughts about politics, etc.

Sally Field plays M’Lynn the mother of Shelby and married to Drum.

Julia Roberts plays Shelby who marries a rich lawyer and deals with diabetes, becomes a parent and faces death.

Dolly Parton plays Truvy, the owner of the beauty parlor whose  husband is generally unhappy and has a hard time finding employment.

Shirley MacLaine plays Ouizer who has been married a couple of times before, she has money but has such an interesting disposition.

Darryl Hannah plays Annelle the 19 yr old beauty shop assistant. That has left her husband and becomes very religious.

Olympia Dukakis plays the role of Clairee who is a widow and has quite the interesting friendship with Ouizer.

Money Implications:

There are different roles of money when it comes to marriage – paying for a wedding, parenting, health and even business ownership.

Money Tip #1:  Weigh the consequences of all financial decisions, short and long-term consequences.

Money Tip #2: When you are an entrepreneur, be sure to include your spouse in business plans and financial decisions.

Money Tip #3: If a spouse is having a hard time finding work, do not rub it in. Talk with them about their dreams and see how you can help them. This affects the bottom line.

Observations:

Truvy loved her husband and tried to bring some holiday cheer into their home. Even when finances are tight, you can still celebrate your marriage, love and coming out of financial challenges.

Annelle shows up in town after having left her husband, she did not have anything. No job, no car and has to make a new start. Make sure that you both are involved in the household finances so that if something happens, the other spouse can carry on with life.

Recommendations:

1) I cannot stress enough think “BIG PICTURE”. What is it you would like to accomplish?

2) Do not let your marriage make you ungrateful for who you are and the life you live.

3) If you are in a second marriage, do not compare your current husband or wife to your ex. That is a costly mistake.

4) Continue supporting your husband and wife even in difficult times.

THIS IS A MUST SEE MOVIE.

It is soo much fun doing something that I love. Watching these movies and reviewing them from a money perspective is the best. This actually was a play that was recorded and my kudos to Tyler Perry it was fabulous.

Let me give a summary of what this movie is about. In a nutshell, The Marriage Counselor of course counsels married couples that have different issues. But what does a marriage counselor do when there are problems existing in their own marriage? This is one that every couple should watch. I know it is truly a summary and I kept it short because I do not want to tell the whole movie and believe me as good as this movie was it would be soooo easy to do.

Money Implications:

Do not become so focused on your career that you neglect your household expenses and continue to spend beyond your means.

Money Tip #1: If your spouse wants to review the household bills, make the time to talk WITH your spouse about the bills so everyone is on the same page.

Money Tip #2: Plan for your vacations and the costs involved so that you can enjoy your vacation and not have to worry about how you are going to pay bills when you return nor have a good time on the vacation because you need to save a certain amount of money for bills upon your return.

Observation:

Husbands and wives do not fault each other for being a hard worker. It is great to have a strong work ethic. Yes, you should take time to stop and smell the roses. You can make any day special by taking the time to do something “special” for your mate.

This movie had a different situation that I want to comment on here. It was where the wife and husband both were working. Yet the wife commented that the husband was spending all of her money. He stated that he makes his own money. Seems as if the wife was unaware of this. Later on it gets revealed what he is doing with his money.

Recommendations:

1) Parents become elderly and life happens – begin thinking solutions if a parent needed to move in with you and your spouse; or if they  needed to be placed in a senior care facility and money was needed from you to assist with monthly payments.

2) If you are sooo driven by paying bills, you can miss out on living life. Yes, you should set healthy boundaries even when it comes to finances and make sure you enjoy life at the same time.

3) The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are only seeing a part of the picture. Do not mess up your money and marriage because someone else appears to have it altogether or easier. You never know what is truly behind closed doors.

4) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage. This way everyone’s needs are met and dreams can be accomplished.

5) Husbands and wives prior to walking down the aisle, should exchange credit reports so that both of you know what the financial issues are upfront before you say “I Do.”

6) Financial secrets revealed can have bad consequences. Be open and honest about your financial baggage and plans to clean it up.

7) For those that are faith-based, do not let people in the church judge your marriage based on outside appearance. You know who you married and what drew you to the person.

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