Posts Tagged ‘time’

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #25 – Guess Who

I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

postheadericon Should Parents Talk with Young Adults about Money

When young men and women are preparing for marriage, they have time on their side because some of them are not getting married right away. The benefit is if they have questions or concerns about money, they can talk with their parents or their parents can refer them to a financial advisor that can assist them with talking about money as a couple.

It should be a parents responsibility to ensure that their son or daughter knows this life and marriage sustaining skill so that they can live happily ever after and not have financial issues because of the debt incurred from the wedding.

Parents should think back to when they first got married and all the things they wish someone had told them when it came to money and marriage. They can impart this knowledge to their son or daughter so they will not have to go through the same struggles the parents did but be informed on handling financial situations.

Parents love your sons and daughters and do not assume that they know how to manage money. Sure, they might have gone to college and seemed to have taken care of money while at college. Let me ask you a question: What is the amount of their student loan bill? Enough said.

Prepare your son or daughter with this valuable life and marriage sustaining skill. They will thank you for it later. You will also be glad that you did.

postheadericon Outside Perspective on Money and Relationships

There was no way that I would pass up discussing this article I found this morning titled Does Money Ruin Relationships? First I want to note that this article was in the Ethipoian Review and what is being discussed is money in the United States of America the problems that surrounds it in different situations.

Clearly points out “the mega divorce settlements in the United States there was adultery involved. It looks at our athletes that were in college and then went pro signing huge contracts which leads to all kinds of money problems.” It goes on to share about with the athletes there is spousal abuse, child support and yes infidelity. Then the high priced attorney comes in for representation.

I was amazed at the detail of this article. I am not in disagreement with what is written but I want to say especially when it comes to the athletes more than likely prior to becoming a professional athlete they did not know how to manage money. Look at their background what was the environment they grew up in, did they have access to money and even how did they go to college. Then once they became a pro athlete they had people telling them what to do and some not looking out for their best interest.

I am sure just like me you have seen news report after news report where athletes once retired have money issues and it is hard to believe. Money by itself cannot do anything but the person managing or mismanaging it leads to problems that continue for quite a period of time.

This article also talks about the politicians and “spreading their oaks” it says. But somewhere in there believes that money is a part of it. Well, I have had my fill of watching politicians being exposed for their infidelity to last me a life time because I do not like what it does to the wife nor the kids (if they have any) that are now being thrust into the limelight because of the husband choosing to be with another person. The PRICE of infidelity is tooo high for people to pay.

I do not believe money ruins relationships. It is how people handle, think about, utilize, manipulate and control money that ruins relationships. What do you think?

postheadericon Does a new marriage equal new money woes?

Well, I was reading this story this morning about many couples planning to wed in November and December. New Year, New Marriage equals New Money Woes article shares that financial issues derail many marriages. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Yes we have all seen the statistics that money is one of the top reasons for divorce, as well as knowing that three out of four married couples are arguing about money.

Let me present this to you – money in itself is not the cause of divorce. What is the cause of divorce is how money is mishandled, people not communicating about money and bills that need to be paid. I would even step out and say that it is about controlling the household finances or lack of controlling the finances. Money in itself cannot do anything without a person’s actions.

Therefore, it is imperative that couples learn how to manage money individually and throughout marriage. Let’s face it, most of us probably did not manage money well on our own prior to getting married. We brought those same limited skills into our marriages and what did we expect to happen.

Sit down and begin talking about money for the benefit of your marriage today. Talk WITH each other and not at each other. If you do not know how to start this, you can get your copy of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar. For this one it does not matter that you are already married, these same principles will work right where you are and can be used throughout the lifetime of your marriage.

Talking about money is not a one time decision – remember life happens. It is a discussion that should happen on a regular basis and often so that everyone is on the same page. There are not financial secrets and one person does not feel as if they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Yes it happens and it is time to stop that trend.

I am going to speak from personal experience – if couples can learn how to discuss money matters, solve financial problems together thereby keeping their marriage in tact, they can handle anything that comes there way. Money should not change husbands and wives. It is all about the couple controlling the money in stead of being controlled and changed by money.

You do not have to be like everyone else arguing about money. Set a different tone for your household and discuss money issues and SOLVE them. Complaining about them is not the answer. You have to do something different if you want a different result.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #24 – The Brothers

Stop the Press! This was one of the best movies I had seen and it was not what I suspected. Favs on the screen Shemar Moore, Bill Bellamy, DL Hugley, Tatyana Ali, Jennifer Lewis and Morris Chestnut. Haven’t seen this one in quite a while but sure enough it will probably come on TV within the next couple of weeks because I said that.

Lots of dynamics in this movie and let’s see if I can hit the highlights of this one.

Jackson (played by Morris Chestnut) he is a doctor and has major commitment issues. Found it interesting that he had a dream of a woman in a wedding dress with a gun.

Brian (played by Bill Bellamy) who is a lawyer and has a very distorted view of women. This is due in part to his mother and her lack of affection towards him and his brother which carried over into his adulthood.

Derrick (played by DL Hughley) he is the married and devoted man that would like to try different sexual things with his wife and she is all about one way.

Terry (played by Shemar Moore) who is the womanizer and yet the one who is settling down.

Money Implications:
Regardless of what happens with your parents, even when you are an adult, handle your financial responsibilities. Jackson’s parents even though they were divorced, they counted on him. So did his sister.

When it comes to Brian whose mother did not show him any affection, he did not let his emotions stop him from pursuing his profession as a lawyer. He even said that the younger brother could move in with him. Very responsible individual.

Money Tip #1: Manage your money. These gentleman did take care of business regardless of what was happening.

Money Tip #2: Husbands and wives you should be talking openly about finances throughout your marriage.

Money Tip #3: Money and marriage is a commitment, take it one step at a time.

Money Tip #4: If you make a financial mistake, learn from it and make better decisions the next time.

Observations:
Commitment can cause people to be afraid. Stop and ask yourself what are you afraid of and why. Then make sure you do not carry that baggage into any new relationship especially if it leads to marriage.

Jackson’s dream did come true about the woman standing there in a bridal gown with a gun. It was not his bride though and the woman had just lost it. Brides and grooms a lot of pressure comes with wedding plan and making sure everything is just right on that day. Take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. Keep the lines of communication open.

Recommendations:
(1) Do not wait until a problem arise in the finances to talk about money. You should be talking about money in marriage all the time, evaluating goals and making adjustments where necessary.

(2) Take your vows seriously. Recognize that husbands and wives are partners and are supposed to be there for each other in good times and bad, rich and poor. If a husband and wife can make it through financial difficulty and come out on the other side, then they can handle anything.

(3) Do not let what happens with or in your parents marriage dictate your stand on marriage and relationships. If you do, you could end up in a very serious and devastating situation.

Life happens and you are the one that controls how you HANDLE life.

If you need a financial education program that you can utilize throughout your marriage, go to http://www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and get your copy of Money Talk Before the Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar today.

postheadericon Your Mind and Your Mouth can Deceive and Divide Your Money in Marriage

We have all heard the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”  I am going to address that from the aspect of money and marriage.  I decided to do some research because about two years ago, I offered a teaching on the Mindset and even to this day, I continue to get more and more revelation into how the mind truly works because, I am sooo intrigued by the mind.

From my research, the average human has 55,000 thoughts per day which means 2,292 thoughts per hour and 38 thoughts every minute. WOW! That is a lot and now, it is clear to me why there are times when my mind is racing. That comes from excitement or even specific things becoming clearer in my mind.

We hold in our minds thoughts of the past, our childhood, things we did as young adults, the present and thoughts about our future.  Think about it, someone could have called you on the phone and said “remember when….. ” and you would say yes and there your mind goes taking you down memory lane.

Now that you have gotten a brief glimpse into the mind, I want to turn your attention to YOUR MOUTH. Let’s get down to the specifics – one study shows that men speak an average of 15,669 words per day and women speak 16,215 words per day. Those numbers are not significantly different.

What do we speak?  Words, observations, past failures that are in our MINDS. Granted we do have accomplishments and achievements and it seems it takes  a lot to naturally speak up about our accomplishments. As a whole the world seems to focus on the negative sooo much instead of the positive.

When it comes to money and marriage, I have to say this – if you are not careful about what THOUGHTS you have towards money and marriage, your MIND will deceive you. How you ask? Many couples are not discussing money and marriage – they have become mind readers as to why their spouse took this course of action when it pertains to finances instead of asking. Once you become a mind reader, you make a lot of assumptions which are usually unfounded.  This leads to other problems in the marriage.

Once the mind has deceived you, those thoughts that you are thinking over and over – then you begin to SPEAK with your mouth negativity, speaking out of emotions as well as past failures and experiences.  Negativity, emotions, past failures and experiences can put you on a course leading your marriage straight to divorce. 

Let’s take it that we do have 2,292 thoughts per hour and an unexpected financial situation presents in your marriage and you are speaking 16,215 words per day. Whether you are reacting to this situation or responding, what are you likely to utilize your mouth to speak? Optimism or will you choose to complain and argue about money issues that persist in your marriage?

Your mind (thoughts)  and mouth (what you speak) are very crucial to your every day life. are very crucial to your every day life – your relationships, how you raise your children, your job, your business – everything.

One of my favorite scriptures is:

 Proverbs 23:7 – So as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

What are you thinking about your money in marriage now? What do you think about your spouse? What do you think about yourself? Be careful before you speak either negativity or defeat into your life.

I encourage you to line up your mind (thoughts) and your mouth (speech) for health, happiness, marital peace, financial independence and more.

Copyright ©2009 – Dr. Taffy Wagner – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper citation.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #21 – Brown Sugar

Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan, there was no way I was going to pass this one. I own it and anytime that I really need to crank out a lot of work, I put this one on and it gets me through.

This story is about two childhood friends, growing up and making it. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and when they connect again, she (Sidney) finds out that he (Dre’) is getting married to Nicole Ari Parker who plays Reece. Reece is also in the corporate world and makes a lot of money. The night before the wedding you will not believe what happens…. That is all I am going to say, go and get the movie.

Money Implications:

Do not marry for money. Marry for love and know in your heart of hearts this is the person you should be marrying.

Money Tip #1: Live within or below your means. Living above your means leads to trouble.

Money Tip #2: When it comes to your career, you must be true to yourself about what you need from employment to make yourself happy.

Money Tip #3: Do not start your own business without knowing what the expenses are, how long it will take before you make a profit and what the costs are to start the business.

Observations:

Even though Dre’ and Sidney attempted to pretend they were in love with other people, it all changed at a certain time. You love who you love.

Recommendations:

1) Do not be afraid of loving the person you fell in love with. If you are settling for “Mr. Comfortable and Acceptable, there could come a point in your relationship when you feel it is time to get out.

2) Divorce is expensive. As a matter of fact, I say it is the biggest marital expense of them all. Know what you are doing.

No movie library should be without this one:

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #20 – Steel Magnolias

One of my all time favorites and every time it comes on, I have stop and watch it. Yes it draws me in and I have to get my popcorn. This movie has sooo many facets that I am going to share a little more detail than usual in order that you will see it is worthy of being part of this database.

These women can act – Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Darryl Hannah and Olympia Dukakis. What a cast. This movie takes place in northwest Louisiana – two thumbs up for that.  Many women experience stories happening around the beauty parlor. This story is no different – the action takes place around Truvy’s beauty parlor with women who are regulars. I can see it now, if you are like me when I go to the “hair shop” there are the regulars that I talk with when I see them. Catch up on family life and our thoughts about politics, etc.

Sally Field plays M’Lynn the mother of Shelby and married to Drum.

Julia Roberts plays Shelby who marries a rich lawyer and deals with diabetes, becomes a parent and faces death.

Dolly Parton plays Truvy, the owner of the beauty parlor whose  husband is generally unhappy and has a hard time finding employment.

Shirley MacLaine plays Ouizer who has been married a couple of times before, she has money but has such an interesting disposition.

Darryl Hannah plays Annelle the 19 yr old beauty shop assistant. That has left her husband and becomes very religious.

Olympia Dukakis plays the role of Clairee who is a widow and has quite the interesting friendship with Ouizer.

Money Implications:

There are different roles of money when it comes to marriage – paying for a wedding, parenting, health and even business ownership.

Money Tip #1:  Weigh the consequences of all financial decisions, short and long-term consequences.

Money Tip #2: When you are an entrepreneur, be sure to include your spouse in business plans and financial decisions.

Money Tip #3: If a spouse is having a hard time finding work, do not rub it in. Talk with them about their dreams and see how you can help them. This affects the bottom line.

Observations:

Truvy loved her husband and tried to bring some holiday cheer into their home. Even when finances are tight, you can still celebrate your marriage, love and coming out of financial challenges.

Annelle shows up in town after having left her husband, she did not have anything. No job, no car and has to make a new start. Make sure that you both are involved in the household finances so that if something happens, the other spouse can carry on with life.

Recommendations:

1) I cannot stress enough think “BIG PICTURE”. What is it you would like to accomplish?

2) Do not let your marriage make you ungrateful for who you are and the life you live.

3) If you are in a second marriage, do not compare your current husband or wife to your ex. That is a costly mistake.

4) Continue supporting your husband and wife even in difficult times.

THIS IS A MUST SEE MOVIE.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #19 – The Marriage Counselor

It is soo much fun doing something that I love. Watching these movies and reviewing them from a money perspective is the best. This actually was a play that was recorded and my kudos to Tyler Perry it was fabulous.

Let me give a summary of what this movie is about. In a nutshell, The Marriage Counselor of course counsels married couples that have different issues. But what does a marriage counselor do when there are problems existing in their own marriage? This is one that every couple should watch. I know it is truly a summary and I kept it short because I do not want to tell the whole movie and believe me as good as this movie was it would be soooo easy to do.

Money Implications:

Do not become so focused on your career that you neglect your household expenses and continue to spend beyond your means.

Money Tip #1: If your spouse wants to review the household bills, make the time to talk WITH your spouse about the bills so everyone is on the same page.

Money Tip #2: Plan for your vacations and the costs involved so that you can enjoy your vacation and not have to worry about how you are going to pay bills when you return nor have a good time on the vacation because you need to save a certain amount of money for bills upon your return.

Observation:

Husbands and wives do not fault each other for being a hard worker. It is great to have a strong work ethic. Yes, you should take time to stop and smell the roses. You can make any day special by taking the time to do something “special” for your mate.

This movie had a different situation that I want to comment on here. It was where the wife and husband both were working. Yet the wife commented that the husband was spending all of her money. He stated that he makes his own money. Seems as if the wife was unaware of this. Later on it gets revealed what he is doing with his money.

Recommendations:

1) Parents become elderly and life happens – begin thinking solutions if a parent needed to move in with you and your spouse; or if they  needed to be placed in a senior care facility and money was needed from you to assist with monthly payments.

2) If you are sooo driven by paying bills, you can miss out on living life. Yes, you should set healthy boundaries even when it comes to finances and make sure you enjoy life at the same time.

3) The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are only seeing a part of the picture. Do not mess up your money and marriage because someone else appears to have it altogether or easier. You never know what is truly behind closed doors.

4) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage. This way everyone’s needs are met and dreams can be accomplished.

5) Husbands and wives prior to walking down the aisle, should exchange credit reports so that both of you know what the financial issues are upfront before you say “I Do.”

6) Financial secrets revealed can have bad consequences. Be open and honest about your financial baggage and plans to clean it up.

7) For those that are faith-based, do not let people in the church judge your marriage based on outside appearance. You know who you married and what drew you to the person.

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postheadericon Heated Financial Discussions

Even though for many it was a holiday, I let this be a day where I caught up on a lot of things which includes blogging about Money and Marriage. I read this one article titled Money and Honey which incidentally reminds me of something I shared last week.

This article talks about setting money dates. There is a certain time to discuss money issues. It also recommends trying a free online program for three months. Review them and see which one best suits your needs.

Whether or not the couple goes to counseling is not a big deal, yet how they handle finances can set the tone for their overall marriage. Be sure and talk about finances without the emotions. You want cooler heads to prevail and not be in the complaining role without any type of solution.

If you have not read any financial books, I would recommend you consult with a financial advisor.  If you don’t know a financial advisor, asks one of your colleagues, friends of classmates to recommend someone . Word of mouth recommendations are always good. Take your  time and have financial discussions with peace and joy.

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