Posts Tagged ‘vows’
Engagement time is a very happy and emotional time for many brides-to-be and families. Once the engagement happens sometimes within days thoughts begin swirling about wedding plans everything from flowers, wedding gown, caterers, reading bridal magazines, participating in online bridal forums and even creating your own online wedding website race through your mind.
There is no doubt that many brides will take the time to do the research, some will hire a wedding planner and some will not. Even those that don’t hire a wedding planner yet become an expert at “DIY” will make sure they have done the research and checked things off of the checklist. Planning Planning Planning.
Now one of the areas that does not get nearly that amount of attention for most during this same time is MONEY COMMUNICATION for marriage. Sure, brides are talking about the wedding budget, however, do you love him enough to say I want to show you my credit report or will you show me your credit report.
Do you love him enough to say, how would you handle if I lost my job and couldn’t get employment for six months – how would WE handle this? Do you love him enough to say, I’m not sure I want to automatically combine our finances if that is not what you want?
Marriages are ending all the time because of money. Whether it is overspending, money secrets, lack of money – doesn’t matter statistics show that one of the top reasons marriage end in divorce is because of money.
Are you failing to plan your money and marriage talks, money management skills and how to handle money management issues BEFORE you say I Do? Could you answer those questions without going to your groom right now because you felt as if you’ve talked about it or felt those talks could wait?
If you FAIL to Plan, then you PLAN to FAIL in the area of Money and Marriage DURING your marriage. When money challenges start, dynamics change in a relationship really fast because of emotions and other factors that you usually are not prepared for.
Get PREMARITAL FINANCIAL COUNSELING today! Think about it, how many marriages do you know throughout your family or even friends that have ended due to money issues. How many of them could have been saved IF they had premarital financial counseling prior to saying “I Do” and developing a financial plan for their marriage.
Awwww this saddens me to read a story such as this, Loving Couple Divorces to Stay Afloat Financially. They are experiencing money trouble after health trouble. I tell you people are having to really get creative and I don’t think it should have to be this way.
You have to read this story, the wife shares they are literally living week to week. I wondered if this would be an issue if she took her vows seriously. When I read down further, she does have some concern. I have to applaud this couple for doing what they need to do. Yes it is unconventional, however it is time to not box yourself in. Whew! Really saddens me.
We have all heard that said in vows during many weddings that we have attended and some of you may have even said yourself. Bride takes the groom “For better of for worse, for richer or for poorer”. Those words are often said without any thought of that become the life of Mr. and Mrs. Wed.
Then when times get tough due to financial choices made, one party of the marriage wants to divorce because of finances. Listen, we have all heard the statistics that money is one of the top three reasons for divorce. I ask you, what happened to For Richer or For Poorer and For Better or For Worse? Did they not mean or did not give any thought to life happens? Sure, Life happens and situations happen but you are the one in control. It does not necessarily matter what the situation is but HOW YOU HANDLE the situation and come THROUGH it.
Let’s say for example a spouse loses a job and now the budget gets a little tighter, well that is okay. Couples must learn to work together and not treat each other as enemies. That husband or wife did not get up this morning and say I am going to go to work and do everything I can to lose my job. There are times it is not even their fault. Jobs have been cut due to the economy and for some companies hours have been reduced in order to sustain some companies. Either way, it was not your husband or wife’s choice that this happen at their place of employment.
A situation has presented regarding employment and what are the options you have in order to keep your household functioning accordingly? Get creative – be an optimist and not a complainer about your situation. Complaining has never solved anything and there have been times when complaining makes the situation worse. If your goal is to make the situation worse, then go ahead and complain. If your goal is to make it better, then start by changing the words that are coming out of your mouth. Become solution oriented and not a victim of what happened.
I would imagine even with financial challenges, deep down you still love the person. So financial challenges does not change that. Do not make decisions based on emotions. When you said your vows – you chose to say ” I Do” because you love the person. Love is a choice and not an emotion. Begin taking your vows seriously and talk with your spouse today.
Being the researcher that I am, I was reviewing different press releases tonight to keep up on things happening in the marriage movement and I found a release titled Almost 2 million Brits Admit to hiding extravagant purchases from their spouse. WHOAAAA.
It says “The Bank’s research found that almost one in five (18.5%) people in debt and in a relationship claim to be hiding the true extent of their debt from their partner or spouse.” This is an international problem – talking about money apparently is not on the top of couples list.
It is time to change that because that is unbelievable. This goes to show that people are not comfortable even in marriage opening up and disclosing their financial challenges. Yet, when most people get married within their vows are included the words For Better or For Worse, For Richer or For Poorer. What does anyone have to gain from all this secrecy? I say nothing. However, you have a lot to LOSE by hiding these truths.
The way I see it, these financial challenges are temporary and once a husband or wife takes control of their finances it can all change. But if they choose to continue the secrets and managing money improperly, more than likely the door will be open for additional financial challenges. I will let you in on a secret – until you begin correcting and talking about the financial mistakes, you are in a vicious cycle of making more mistakes and incurring more financial stress in your life.
Take control of your finances today and do not be controlled by your finances. There is a big difference.
I have been asked this question over the last few months and decided that now is just as good a time as any to write it in a post. Why? Let’s face it, we both know that the economy has been taking its toll on people and marriages whether they are believers or non-believers.
So I’m not as many of you know, I am not a sugar coater when it comes to my thoughts. So let’s get right into it because more than likely this is going to be a two part blog because I do not want anyone who needs this answer to be overwhelmed and miss anything.
I said this question to my husband last night sharing with him that I was preparing to write this post. He flat out said, “The vows says For Richer or For Poorer“. I responded, you see.
I pray that you did not marry for money and married because you love the person. Love is a choice and not an emotion. I hope that you understand that money comes and goes. Yes it has many roles in our lives and it is important that you recognize the roles and functions of money in your marriage.
When a Christian man and woman stand before God, the wedding officiant and guests taking their vows, they are entering into a covenant agreement saying we will be together through good, bad and the ugly. For Richer or For Poorer means honey if we have to eat Raamen noodles for a minute then I am here with you or honey if we are eating steak and shrimp I am here with you. Regardless of what is happening with the money, Christian husbands and wives are supposed to be together working it out together. Remember, Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, A threefold cord is not easily broken. I can assure you, the GOD I SERVE is not in the business of breaking up marriages.
Marriage is not a covenant that should be taken lightly but reverently, because if you are like me and my husband, GOD blessed us with each other. We had pastors (that were complete strangers) come up to us in restauraunts even months after we were married saying, when you two are ready to get married, I want to marry you. Then we would hold up our hands and show them we were already married.
Christian marriages ARE to be examples of a GODLY marriage to non-believers. Yet if Christian marriages are doing the same thing that non-believers are doing, where is the difference and where is the example? What does it say in Hebrews 13:4-5 which I want to take from the Amplified Bible, 4 “Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.
Marriages are to be held dear. It is absolutely a blessing to me, to be with the man GOD chose for me. See, I did not have to go out there looking for a mate because I know in MY BIBLE it says HE who findeth a good wife obtains FAVOR in the LORD. It is not my role to go out there and look for a mate. My responsibilty is to have my relationship with GOD right and in order, so that when GOD blessed me with my HUSBAND, I was ready. Alright, I digress that is for another time.
Let’s move on to verse 5 which says, 5 Let your [a]character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] [b]Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor [c]give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [d][I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor [e]let [you] down ([f]relax My hold on you)! [[g]Assuredly not!]
I want to say Christians have to realize that no you are not supposed to love money but you have to recognize that money is a tool and a weapon. It is a tool that can be used to expand your ability to reach many people for the KINGDOM of GOD. It is also a weapon because it takes money in the world system to hire lawyers if necessary to defend you against a person or a claim. Money in itself is not a negative, it is what people do with and to money that makes it a negative in their life.
So for those married christians, I have to ask you are you depending on God or your mate? I want to leave you with this thought, in my opinion it is not the money that you are fighting about or getting divorced over, I say it is deeper and to find out you have to wait for part 2.
This is one of those things that I have always known because some become professional athletes at such a young age and are bombarded with limelight, money and opportunities that they are not necessarily prepared for. I came across this story tonight and could not resist sharing it, it is titled Taking Vows in a League Hit Hard by Divorce.
This story shares that 78% of NFL players are bankrupt, divorced or jobless. WHOA! That statistic says that they are not being protected nor surrounded by people that are truly looking out for their best interest long term. There is absolutely NO REASON on GOD’s Green earth why these individuals should end up bankrupt or jobless. I had to say it that way.
This is the way I see it – their job is to play football but is not a reason for them to neglect their marriage. It still takes work – TEAMWORK as a matter of fact. The wife cannot feel as if she is doing all the work. Furthermore, the athlete should not be made to feel as if he is strictly a cash machine.
There is sooo much in this article but another thing I want to point out is it says, “When athletes retire, most face an identity crisis. Many do not retire on their own terms, and once they leave the game, they also leave behind the fame and fortune, the crowds and adoration. Their wives experience a similar loss of status.” Wives need to have their own identity whether they are married to a professional athlete or not because as soon as that person stops that particular position she could easily fall into depression. That does not help that husband in any way shape or form, especially if he did not leave that position on his own terms.
Athletes and wives should be taking the time to establish who they are outside of his job. What are your dreams and goals? If he was not a professional athlete what would both of you be doing? What is it you would do if you had to retire today?
Being a professional athlete does not define who you are. Put a plan in place so that when the job is done, you can move on to the next phase of your life with minimal stress and disarray to your household.
Read the article and share your thoughts here.
Have you met “The One” and know that you will be together forever? You have a great time with this person, can talk about anything and even see yourselves together for the long haul but one thing is standing in your way….
The other person has OVERWHELMING DEBT and you cannot put it out of your mind!
Let me say upfront, I applaud you for paying attention and being honest about how this makes you feel. You realize that money is not a subject that should be swept under the rug as if it doesn’t exist. Now the idea is that you are not saying it changes your love for the person. What you are saying is that you and this person should talk about what are their plans for paying off this debt, how long is it going to take and what steps have they already put in place?
Getting married is serious business because it is not a fairly tale or a tv show. It takes two committed people that are choosing to love each other and not based on emotion. That understand life has ups and downs, yet they are agreeing to weather the ups and downs, allow each other to grow and become the magnificent person that is inside and can conquer the world together. People that take their vows seriously and not lightly.
If you are aware that your soon-to-be spouse has debt and you are not sure how to begin the conversation, I invite you to get “The Wedding Bailout” today at www.moneytalkmatters.com/the-wedding-bailout which will guide you in the comfort of your to begin talking about money in a non-threatening and light-hearted fashion. After you purchase “The Wedding Bailout”, at the end of this e-course you will receive “Bride’s Guide When The Sky is Knot The Limit” which was developed by Creations of Love, Inc. to assist you in planning your wedding on a budget.
I was doing research earlier today and discovered this story titled More people are saying it: Is marriage a mistake? As a money and marriage advocate, you should know titles such as this ruffles my feathers. Even still I continued to read the story.
The story says, “Today, the typical American adult is unmarried, either living a solitary life or residing with unrelated persons. Marriage, long in decline, is now a minority institution and shows no signs of revival.”
This is my personal opinion – one of the main reasons marriage is in a decline and now a minority is because of the picture that is painted about marriage. Prime example is the article I just cited. Furthermore, Time magazine had a cover this week titled: Is There Hope for the American Marriage? Then it goes on to show photographs of 3 political figures and Kate and Jon Gosselin.
Alright – TIME OUT. My personal opinion, these couples and people do not represent the majority of the marriages in the United States. They are not examples of every day households and therefore DO NOT get to be the rule for whether or not a marriage will work or if it is a mistake.
A marriage involves two people that takes work on the part of both people. Sure marriages have challenges which could be financial which if not handled properly can cause the marriage to end in divorce. However, if the two people who took those vows are true to their vows and each other, then they will make the effort to work through the financial challenges together.
When infidelity is committed and the other person happens to find out via the media, then the faithful person has a lot to think about in regards to their health, if they choose to remain in the marriage or divorce and if there are kids involved what happens. People need to be honest with themselves and not take their marriages lightly or for granted.
It sickens me that people have patterned their lives after television, politicians and celebrities. Live the life you are meant to live. Your marriage is sacred and should be cherished, not easily tossed away at the first sign of a challenge. What does that say about you? One thing is for sure, people are always watching you whether its family or not. Whether you are a high profile person or not – people are always watching.
Marriage is not a mistake. Do not be swayed by what you see on television or read in the newspapers. There are very successful marriages out that involve everyday people.
Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. Behind her comes a building that represents her college debt that the groom does not know about. Continue seeing her in your mind because behind that building is a car that represents her car payment. Did you know that she had a car loan that she is actually upside down on? Hmmm it’s not to late to start the “Money Talk.”
As you continue you seeing your bride trying to make it down the aisle, behind the car are several department stores where she has charged various items on her credit card. After dragging this baggage down the aisle for 25 minutes, she stands at the altar waiting to take her vows and commit to you.
If you did not realize this until now, both of you will bring money baggage and financial mistakes into your marriage. If you choose not to discuss them until after the honeymoon, it could cause for uneasiness from the start. You might want to read about Hidden Debt Revealed after the Honeymoon.
Money baggage can cause stress, division and personalities to change when the baggage gets revealed. If you are reading this and you are the bride or groom, picture your soon-to-be wife or husband standing there with all those items behind them at the altar.
Begin the Money Talk today. You can get your copy of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At Altar via the products page.
June is the beginning of “Wedding Season” and excitement is in the air for so many. Wedding dresses, bridal showers, bachelor parties all leading up to the moment you are standing before each other with a room full of people watching getting ready to take your vows.
Both of you wil say “I Do” and the officiant will say, I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Pictures will be taken and the reception will be in full swing. The next thoughts will be of the honeymoon. Within two weeks of the honeymoon it starts… you begin seeing bills and more bills coming in the mail that you didn’t know about.
You feel puzzled but then discover within your marriage there exists hidden debt. Whether you are the bride or groom, when hidden debt is revealed it is time for MONEY TALK now. Before you even think you want to point the finger, let me caution you. If you chose not to discuss money prior to saying “I Do”, both of you are to blame.
Money Talk is a conversation that continues throughout the course of marriage. It is not a one time discussion. Now that both of you are aware there is hidden debt, the following are steps you can take to begin the conversation:
Step 1: Both of you need to forgive each other for not talking about existing financial obligations prior to saying ” I Do.”
Step 2: Agree that you will be honest and share about your existing financial obligations and not judge each other for choices that you made before you became husband and wife, although both of you will have to agree on how to handle it.
Step 3: Each person takes a turn and share what their financial obligations are independent of each other.
Do not be the bride or groom who decides because hidden debt is now revealed you want to bailout. That is not the answer. If you would like assistance with learning how to talk, send me an email. Let’s talk.