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postheadericon Turning the Page for Money and Marriage

Its 2011 and there are many that recently became engaged over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. You are beginning a new page in your lives when it comes to money and marriage.

Sure within the next few weeks to days you will begin planning your wedding and there will be thoughts of a wedding budget. Let me encourage you to also think about money in this regard – your individual financial behavior as a bride-to-be or groom. Are you ready or prepared to begin managing money for two people knowing that whatever you do could affect your future spouse’s credit report?

Money is and has always been a part of marriage. This is not a topic that should be avoided now only to later become a point of contention. Money in and of itself cannot do anything. Truthfully, it is how people handle money that causes stress, strife, decrease in job performance, division in families and much more.

For those of you reading this that are engaged (whether newly engaged or have been for some time), time to write the vision when it comes to your money and marriage and make it plain. If you seek premarital financial counseling, I encourage you to do two things:

1) Sign up for the Bride Groom Money Talk Tips to the left of this page.

2) Go to Brides tab and register for premarital financial counseling today. Don’t set your marriage up for failure by not having a plan when it comes to your money and marriage.

Do not get caught going into your marriage without having a financial plan for your marriage. Think about it, no one goes on a road trip without having a map – you do not plan a wedding without having some direction and without doing your research to make sure it happens the way you want it.

Same thing should be true with your money and marriage. You should not leave it to chance that once you are married it will be what it is going to be. Have direction, vision and goals for you marital finances even before you say I Do. It is a choice between marital financial success or marital financial stress and strain. You decide!

postheadericon Does Needs vs Wants = Cheap?

At the beginning of the week, we started out talking about needs versus wants. When I posted a question on my Facebook fan page for Brides and Grooms Money Talk regarding knowing the difference between needs versus wants, I received a comment. The commenter said it was a great tip, yet couples avoid it because it makes them look cheap.

I thought about this and began wondering, when did knowing about your needs versus wants become a bad thing? When did it become bad to have balance when it comes to money instead of being out of order, stressed with debt and arguing with your future spouse about money?

Recommendation for brides and grooms, don’t believe the hype about not discussing money and keeping up with the Joneses or that favorite girlfriends wedding you attend in the last few months. Focus should be what do you and your future spouse need for your wedding and more importantly your marriage. The wedding is one day and should be a day you can remember.

Knowing your needs and making purchases within your financial boundaries does not make you cheap by any means. Which would you prefer to buy what you need and have extra or to overspend, have financial stress and strain over money even before you walk down the aisle, relationship affected on many levels?

You decide. As an adult be prepared for the consequences regardless of how you decide. You don’t get to point the finger at someone else.

postheadericon Ready for the Wedding, yet…

This morning on The View, Whoopi said I love the Wedding day, its the day after I have the problem with. That has been in my head all day because I believe there are many that fall into this category.

How many brides should we say are sooo excited about their wedding day and then when they return from the honeymoon its post-nuptial withdrawals? Planning their wedding, meeting with the wedding planner, caterers and such was fun and busy. Once they return from the honeymoon… its quiet.

I think so many are focused on the wedding, yet they forget to plan, prepare and prevent unnecessary issues when it comes to marriage. Plan how you want your marriage to unfold, prepare for merging money in order to prevent blowups regarding financial stress. Of course there is more to it than that, yet that is a place to start especially since there are a lot of financial challenges that can arise in the first year that really tear a marriage apart.

When newlyweds start out with marital debt, it makes it very hard to nurture and enjoy the relationship instead of arguing about the money and pointing the finger which more than likely will happen.

To prevent wedding day blues, talk with your soon to be spouse about what you want your marriage to look like, how you want the finances handled and what are mutual steps you can agree to take in order to prevent stress on the marriage.

postheadericon Fathers-in-law Clashing over Cash

Wait, I thought I had read it all. It is the “norm” of course for husbands and wives to dispute over money spent at the wedding, but wait when I share about this story I read tonight.

There I was doing a little research and thought I need to post on Money Talk Matters for the engaged couples. Granted, I’ve been very busy with local seminars and radio shows dealing with money. Still, I felt let me do a post and get back to it on a regular basis because sooo many people need help.

Then it grabbed me – Fathers-in-law Cash Clash. Listen they were fighting over a loan made for the wedding and ended up in court when the marriage ended after one year. The marriage ending after one year is another post.

Take the time to read this now – Fathers-in-law Cash Clash – definitely sound like a Court TV episode. What are your thoughts?

postheadericon Talking about money – Fear of Rejection

Money is a subject that needs to be talked about as you are preparing for marriage, yet it is often avoided beyond the wedding budget. Talking about money can lead to a bride or groom believing they are going to be rejected, the wedding being called off or even judgment for financial mistakes.

Let’s put the cards on the table, money is one of the top reasons if not the top reason for divorce. Whether it is because of overspending, a communication breakdown because of money mismanagement or even financial secrets when it comes to money – MONEY is a tool that everyone single or married must learn how to use and be able to talk about.

Think about it – how many of your friends are having financial struggles whether it is student loans or even auto loans. Some are employed and don’t make enough to pay all of their bills, maybe you know a bride-to-be or groom that has recently become unemployed and now they are faced with cutting the costs of the wedding. Regardless of the situation, brides and grooms should be talking about their finances prior to saying “I Do” in an effort to learn what is the best strategy for managing money as a couple based on what they have done individually.

No one is perfect and decisions made prior to your saying “I Do” does not give either one of you cause to judge each other. Instead it should cause each of you to say, here is what I did and why, now let’s formulate a financial foundation and financial plan for OUR MARRIAGE (yes, beyond the wedding day) so that our Marriage and Money can succeed and not become a divorce statistic because we kept quiet for fear of rejection.

Remember this – if the money secrets come out after you say I Do there is more of a chance that trust will be broken, which opens the door to wonder what other secrets you are hiding. Once trust is broken it is hard to get back because you cannot get trust back just based on words – ACTIONS speak louder. Why even put yourself through that. Talk about money upfront and openly – your motto should be we are being proactive in our marriage preparation and talking about money before we say I Do instead of being reactive after I Do and regretting who we married.

If you are reading this and are engaged and want to get started with “The Money Talk” with assistance, write me at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com and get a complimentary premarital financial counseling session with your fiance. This is limited to 15 couples from this post!

postheadericon Fiance can’t contribute to expense of wedding

There are fiances that have been affected by the economy several times and are not able to contribute to the wedding. If this is the case of your fiance, continue to support him and encourage him to continue to seek employment. It is hard when a man is not working because they are even harder on themselves because they believe they should be the provider.

As his future wife, the best thing you can do is encourage him and let him know that you are in this together. Speak life to him and say he will get the right job and it will pay what you need. If you and your fiance can think of the money now as your money, then you will be that much more ahead then if you are still in the mindset of yours and his, then once you are married it becoming ours.

Lessons you can learn right now are how to compromise, how to shop wisely and purchase your needs versus your wants. You can also learn how to be supportive of each other and work together. It is important that if you have a place together now that he also helps out with the household upkeep so that you do not have to work all day, come home clean and cook dinner. Will some future wives do that? Yes they will and then reach a point where they are burned out.

Communication with your future spouse is always going to be important. Talk WITH your future spouse and not AT them there is such a difference. Remember you are on the same team not opponents. I want to say this as well, if your family and close friends know your fiance is not working, DO NOT let them talk negative about him to you by any means.

postheadericon Royal Wedding called off because….

Brides and grooms to be need to pay attention while they are engaged to obvious situations that are red flags that should not be ignored instead of being caught up in “I’m So in Love I will deny what’s in front of me”. I was doing some research and came across this titled Royal Wedding called off amid cheating claims

The Princess chose to call off the wedding because “HER” future groom was “intimate” with a college student. I must say it sends a message that she is not willing to settle, nor overlook the indiscretion. What you accept during the engagement says it is okay once you are married. Therefore, she clearly sent a message by breaking it off.

Both Brides-to-be and grooms-to-be must pay attention. Yes, when dating and even during engagement people will put their best foot foward and that is a good thing. You must also listen to what they say and watch their behavior. Non-verbal cues can also give you insight into what they say and do.

postheadericon Engagement broke off, where’s my ring?

I tell you I am such a Court TV junkie and tonight I came across this particular episode that lines up with the previous post about being broke and one future spouse doing everything. Take a look at this:

Problems with this couple:

1) Lack of Communication and Limited Communication

2) Arguing in front of the child

3) She continuously took this gentleman to court. I must admit when it gets to those levels, you do not need to get married.

At the end of the day, this woman does not even remember this person proposing to her. He wants the ring back and stuff that he left. I tell you what I was thinking when I watched this when she walked in she was twisting this ring on her finger. I could not help but wonder if that was the alleged ring. She told the Judge it wasn’t… I still remain somewhat suspicious.

Brides-to-be and grooms-to-be it should not be that hard. If anyone has to get physically abused walk away. That’s not the person for you.

postheadericon Married and Ignored The Red Flags

Three days ago I got married and I can still see it sooo clearly. There we were in our chosen venue and my husband with his tuxedo on and the groomsmen by his side. As my father walked me down the aisle, it felt like the best decision I was making. In the back of my mind, I knew everything was not right but there was no way I was going to back out of my own wedding. This was the day I had dreamt of, money had been paid and I wanted to have the wedding.

We said “I Do” and there we were pretending everything was alright for the family and friends that were attending. Here I am now three days later and we have not stopped fighting about bills. It seems like an ongoing argument that will not quit. I did not rush into my wedding and I saw different warning signs about the lack of money management on his part. He was always coming up short for different things and I just brushed it off. Of course, I thought once we were married, things would change.

Now, we are sooo stressed and fighting so much all I can think about is getting out of this marriage. It’s only been three days and I know that I do not want to go through my marriage like this. How do I move forward with this marriage or do I just end it?

Before I make recommendations on this scenario, BRIDES-TO-BE and ENGAGED couples I invite you to write in your comments. Part 2 on Tuesday.

postheadericon Fiancee Arguing about Money with Fiance

Special Alert – for brides-to-be and grooms, all engaged couples if you are arguing about money now see it as a good thing and become solution oriented. Talking not arguing would serve you better because it will allow you to lay the cards on the table and figure out a solution that works for both.

Even though you are engaged right now, it can give you more of a glimpse into how each other makes decisions when times get tough. What does the fiance want to do? What does the bride-to be want to do? Are they close to being on the same page or are you far apart and refusing to compromise in order to reach an agreement? Listen, its okay to agree to disagree. However, when it comes to finances you cannot just argue, someone walk away without any type of solution being made because feelings got hurt.

Step back from the situation and ask yourself, what are you really arguing about? Did someone’s opinion not get taken into consideration? Or did one person overspend when the other one suggested you should be in a saving mode? Of course if you focus on the fact that you are arguing too long it could be viewed as a negative instead of seeing it as a positive. The good thing about it is you can get your issues on the table and there should not be any financial secrets that each other does not know about as you approach your wedding day.

Question for the fiancee – does arguing about money at this point make you want to call off the wedding and if so, why?

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